Monday, February 16, 2009

Of Fear and Shadow


"this is great...he is really making a difference..."

It was like a sudden hail of awareness. Many times in the past months I constantly found myself in the darkness. In those lonely moments, I recall the time when I first set my eyes on the mountain ahead, standing atop a plateau overlooking the valley below wherein it lies. I convinced myself of the mammoth but promising journey ahead and took my first step without looking back.

"...with him onboard, the right questions are asked..."

As I scaled down the cliff of the plateau, I could not help but stare down at the precipice below. It was when I realized that I've always had this small fear of height. Despite the vertigo, I descended on the thin line that was holding my weight and my ambition.

"...he is always seeking to get things done fast..."

As I hit the ground, I felt the sense of familiarity coming back to my feet. I moved forward ever closer to the mountain and prepared myself for the inevitable and perfidious climb. But as I near the foot of the mountain, a distant darkness etched onto the very fabric of the mountain itself loomed clearer. The tiny speck of darkness gradually grew into the opening of a tunnel. I found my deliverance at last. Or so I thought.

"...appreciate all the work he has been doing in the last couple of months..."

I stood at the mouth of the tunnel. In my mind, I was trying to discern if it was a cave instead. My mind did not matter then and as I gauged the depth and height of the unnatural warren, a speck of distant white light captured my attention. I saw the end of the tunnel. With my mind over the matter now, I journeyed into the maw of uncertainty and braved the treacherous dark path ahead.

"...I know it can be frustrating..."

Those times were long gone now. They are behind me and I have moved on, resolute and unswerving...only to find myself lost in the darkness now. With the beacon of light long gone when my intransigence took the better part of me, I ploughed forward aimlessly like a brave fool. I no longer know if I'm still in the same tunnel or in an immense void that has no bounds.

"...but hang in there..."

Italic
I felt a cold breeze. Soft but sure. Then came the hail of wind, the hail of awareness. I realized that to overcome the challenge of the mountain, the right way is not up and above it but down and below it. I smelled the fresh water in the darkness ahead and the trickling of water on stones. In an instant I could hear the distant rush of current nearby and found my liberation, the river of emancipation. I jumped right in and let the current write my fate.

"...we will resolve a lot of the problems he has..."

I emerged at the other side of the mountain at the top of a steep waterfall and plunged into the depths below. As the surface of the water neared, I found myself turning around one last time and looked at the majestic beauty of the mountain. Regal and stately in its own right. I smiled one last time and gave a silent prayer to its magnificence before submerging into the lake below.

"...don't work too late"

As I swam to the nearby shore, a sense of comprehension washed over me like holy water. I realize that I must have trusted in something. And that trust translated itself into unwavering faith for me. And that was it!

Never fear the shadows. They represent the light that is shining somewhere nearby.

23 comments:

Anonymous said...

we often do not know where we are going until we walk down the path and look back, only will we see where we were heading all along.

Lian said...

wat is this about? wat is the meaning of the dialogue in italic? my mind filled with so many questions after reading ur post!

Han said...

Anonymous: There you are again. Still don't wanna tell me who are you, huh? I agree with you though, you can't connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards.

Lian: Why don't you tell me what you think they are? I'd like to hear your opinion =)

jN said...

hard work paid off? =) good for u, congrats!

Han said...

jN: Sort of, thanks :)

Am said...

didn't know workling life can be so dramatic. give urself a pat on the shoulder there and don't work too late :)

Lian said...

i think ur frens have helped me confirm it :)

Weng said...

fren wat u achieved? share a bit! must celebrate after work wei.

Han said...

Am: Not dramatic. I am just easily contented and a very grateful person. Live gratitude everyday!

Lian: That's what friends are for, LOL!

Weng: Just some personal accomplishments la, no big deal :)

Kelly said...

practicing gratitude is a way of showing appreciation to all around you, and to god. it's good that u give thanks to everything :)

Han said...

True. It is one of my beliefs. Credence of the faithful.

Terry said...

It never hurts to celebrate victory. It's what keeps us motivated and hungry for more :) If only life were as interesting as the way you write it, haha!

Han said...

Life is how we wish to paint it, in any colours that we want. And how we see it? By using the painted bifocals of life, choosing whatever colour you wish so :)

Celebrate success!

Daniel said...

eh last week i helped my company saved 8000 bucks...teach me how to celebrate ah? haha!

Han said...

Tell your boss it was actually RM8800 that you saved but you declared 8k because you knew your boss would decide to reward you with 10% commission ;)

Ree said...

wah..u soumd so serious here wei, hahahha!not used to this side of u. we must catch up soon la, really dunno wats happening in ur life redi ;)

LiNG said...

you always have the knack of attaching positives into any negative situation :) very nice last sentence.

Han said...

Ree: Was I? Haha! Am I such a joker in real life? Yes, I keep wondering how soon is your "soon". So when wanna kepoh in my life? Haha!

LiNG: Thanks. Well, it's true...the night is darkest just before dawn :)

C-K said...

once in a while, reward yourself with a gift, drinks, holiday, or write it out and remeber it like wat u did here for ur efforts :)

Catherine said...

congratulations...and celebration! haha though i don't know what is it u did :)

Han said...

C-K: I am already doing that, hehe! But appreciate your very friendly reminder, I need it :)

Catherine: LOL! It's ok, let's just all bask and share in the joy...after all, shared joy is double-job :)

yuin said...

cliche i know but whatever doesnt kill you...haha

be thankful and meek. :)

Han said...

I am modest in temperament, mild in nature and compliant in disposition :P