Under St. 00d

I only recently realize how abstract most of my entries have become. It was never my intention to perplex anyone. Though I must admit that bamboozling a few people around does give me some kick. Jokes aside.

Several people approached me and queried as to why I couldn't be more direct in what I wanted to say? My standard reply would be because I have to be sensitive to others. The stuff that I write about concerns real people in real life who may very well stumble upon this "secret plateau".

"Then why do you write if you're afraid others might find out the real meaning of your writings", they usually ask after that. My customary response would be because I need to let it out of me as I hate keeping things inside me. I love writing too and it is a form of relaxation for me, to reflect on things in life, to mirror it, to look at it from various perspectives and when that isn't enough, I reflect further.

Just when I thought I've satiated their curiosity, they'd go and ask me "In that case, why don't you just write privately or have some personal diary? That way you can write all you want without censorship and still feel satisfied from the fulfillment of writing?". My next routine retort would be because somehow I feel the need to share, so that people will challenge my thinking, my limits and my perspectives. I like to be pushed as it makes me feel alive. It is very interesting to me when someone comes and offers a totally different set of opinions and experiences from the same exact sentences that I derived my experiences from.

"Then why do you want to write in such confusing manner that is so hard to understand what you're talking about more than half the time?". This is where plates and saucers, steel knifes and forks started flying around. Right. Please read the following paragraph for my regular answer:

It is because I write for myself ultimately. Shit happens to everybody everyday. Happiness falls upon unsuspecting individuals as often as the rain would fall from the sky. It is how I pen these life experiences down into words that will give me a perspective on what, how and why these life incidents happened to me. It is for me to one day, and regularly, read back on these entries to remind myself of what happened and how I saw it at that point of time. And if I still am of the same opinion, it means I haven't change, it means the situation hasn't change, it means nothing can be changed or it means the change has yet to come.

If I were too obvious in what I wrote, pinpointing down to the details of the names and the places and the events, I would lose one very important thing. That would be the lesson learned from these incidents. Over time, the nature of the events that took place, or the details of it would matter very little. It is the essence of what happened, and how I pen it down in the language that people call it Confusing, that will remind me of what I lost or gained, given or received, loved or hated, triumphed or failed and learned or passed on.

Come to think of it I don't write to be understood, I write so I won't be misunderstood.