Thursday, February 12, 2009

Under St. 00d


I only recently realize how abstract most of my entries have become. It was never my intention to perplex anyone. Though I must admit that bamboozling a few people around does give me some kick. Jokes aside.

Several people approached me and queried as to why I couldn't be more direct in what I wanted to say? My standard reply would be because I have to be sensitive to others. The stuff that I write about concerns real people in real life who may very well stumble upon this "secret plateau".

"Then why do you write if you're afraid others might find out the real meaning of your writings", they usually ask after that. My customary response would be because I need to let it out of me as I hate keeping things inside me. I love writing too and it is a form of relaxation for me, to reflect on things in life, to mirror it, to look at it from various perspectives and when that isn't enough, I reflect further.

Just when I thought I've satiated their curiosity, they'd go and ask me "In that case, why don't you just write privately or have some personal diary? That way you can write all you want without censorship and still feel satisfied from the fulfillment of writing?". My next routine retort would be because somehow I feel the need to share, so that people will challenge my thinking, my limits and my perspectives. I like to be pushed as it makes me feel alive. It is very interesting to me when someone comes and offers a totally different set of opinions and experiences from the same exact sentences that I derived my experiences from.

"Then why do you want to write in such confusing manner that is so hard to understand what you're talking about more than half the time?". This is where plates and saucers, steel knifes and forks started flying around. Right. Please read the following paragraph for my regular answer:

It is because I write for myself ultimately. Shit happens to everybody everyday. Happiness falls upon unsuspecting individuals as often as the rain would fall from the sky. It is how I pen these life experiences down into words that will give me a perspective on what, how and why these life incidents happened to me. It is for me to one day, and regularly, read back on these entries to remind myself of what happened and how I saw it at that point of time. And if I still am of the same opinion, it means I haven't change, it means the situation hasn't change, it means nothing can be changed or it means the change has yet to come.

If I were too obvious in what I wrote, pinpointing down to the details of the names and the places and the events, I would lose one very important thing. That would be the lesson learned from these incidents. Over time, the nature of the events that took place, or the details of it would matter very little. It is the essence of what happened, and how I pen it down in the language that people call it Confusing, that will remind me of what I lost or gained, given or received, loved or hated, triumphed or failed and learned or passed on.

Come to think of it I don't write to be understood, I write so I won't be misunderstood.

19 comments:

j.N said...

M is -no longer- under St. ood. =D

Han said...

At first I thought of "M Is Under St. 00d" for the title but who the heck is M in my life? Lol! Whoever you are, nicely said ;)

Catherine said...

i know i was one of them complaining :P yaay, super satisfying answer from u! don't worry ur never misunderstood ya.

Kelly said...

Mr. Underhill! :P
don't ponder too much on wat others say la...ur blog is unique n shld stay that way.

Han said...

Catherine: Sooooo glad ur satisfied now :)

Kelly: That's LOTR! Haha! Thanks for ur encouragement :) Urs too and u know it :)

悦子 said...

sometime it's not necessary we need to answer everybody's question, but yet as long as we knew the answer will do!

;)

nice day

LiNG said...

so wats ur verdict now? to be or not to be, haha!

Han said...

KarHui: Didn't know you have a blog too, already linked yours to mine. You're right, there's no need for me to explain myself but I don't like keeping things inside and it's only a small matter so I thought I could write something about it =) Visit more often, haha!

Ling: My verdict is I will not be what I was supposed to be if not being whatever I was supposed to be will be better for me :)

Am said...

hey i never ask you this kind of questions also, haha!! wat's bamboozling ah? LOL!

Han said...

No, come to think of it you never did :) But you had to ask what's bamboozling :P It means to confuse, haha!

Kelly said...

ur too kind but thanks ;)

Daniel said...

kawan apasal quiet for so long? haha...then come back to write a hate mail to us ah? haha! i still think ur too $@&*#^@! complicated!!

Lian said...

you shld not feel like you owe ppl any explanation. this is ur sanctuary to express urself so mold it as u see fit :)

C-K said...

I read this post bcos there is so many comments. i think u r the type that cares how ppl view you as, which is not a bad thing bcos it shows u care n respect ppl's opinion :)

Han said...

Kelly: Seriously wei! You're welcome of course :)

Daniel: Your opinion is duly noted. I wrote this entry for you ma, you tak tau kah? Hahaha!

Lian: Appreciate your advice. I think the issues for me are two sides of the same coin. The coin is not really worth anything without either sides ;)

C-K: Hey there! Nice to see you here. So I know how to attract you to read liao next time, put up many comments, haha! Thank you for your humble opinion. I think only opinions of ppl close to me matters :) It's them that I want to be sensitive to, to care for.

1699 said...

Damn... felt so guilty when I read your post! LOL.. anyway, like what I've said before, do whatever that you think is right... be it whether u're being understood/ misunderstood.. doesn't matter as long as YOU yourself are aware of ur own actions.. :) btw, cheer up, man! U're normally somber in ur writing; don't ask me why I've that perception....As usual, u'll still remain as Mr. Confused to me! LOL..

Han said...

Don't be :) It is largely my fault, hahaha! I will remember what you say, you seem like the only one who keeps telling me that, hehe! I'm normally somber in my writings? Maybe because I write only when I am sad / moody / disappointed / somber / solemn? I'd like to see how long will I remain as Mr. Confused in your books ;)

yuin said...

if you realise now, your blog is now an oxymoron...lol
secret plateau? hahaha

Han said...

I realized that earlier, now you confirmed it, haha! Secret no more, eh?