Monday, December 1, 2008

Fart-what?!

It's a marvel that our country never fail to enthrall the condescending attention of contemptuous cynics from overseas. How do we always never fail to zip in on paltry and trifling concerns while the entire nation and the world is beleaguered with issues of immense proportions? It is sad to see that our Administration and its league of hypocritical and duplicitous Confederates live in their own tiny little world, chasing their own tails around on a daily basis.

The Muslim community is being restricted and suppressed as each day passes by. Not by the Chinese, or the Indians, or the Jews, or the Christians. But by their fellow Muslims/Malays themselves.

After the fatwa prohibition of yoga, the upcoming fatwa-fatwa coming to your nearest theatres in town are as follow:

December 2008
Muslims are forbidden to swim in public swimming pools. At these public pools, non-Muslims wearing brief swimwears that exposes the aurat will be present. This can deteriorate the faith of the Muslims. The best way would be to prohibit Muslims from these public pools.

January 2009
Muslims are forbidden to go to Penang Island. The Chief Minister of Penang Island is a non-Muslim and the majority of Penang Island residents are non-Muslims. When a Muslim is in Penang Island, he/she may inadvertently inhale the smell of char kuey teow that is cooked by a non-Muslim and this may destroy our faith. The best way would be for us to ban Muslims from visiting Penang Island. Muslims who are currently living there will be given relocation allowance up to MYR3,000 to assist them in moving to neighbouring states. Relocation to Kelantan and Terengganu is most encouraged.

February 2009

Muslims are forbidden from drinking root beer. Although root beers do not contain alcohol, its namesake "beer" may arouse lust and indecent behaviour among Muslims. With the ban of root beers, Muslims can drink all other soft drinks without worry. Ginger beer will also be banned.

March 2009
Muslims are forbidden to dine at mamak stalls. Although most mamak folks are Muslims, their true origin are Indians and there may be elements of Indian culture in their businesses like speaking in Tamil and wearing Indian-made clothes. To avoid any suspicion, Muslims are banned from eating at mamak stalls effective 1st March 2009 (except Tun Mahathir for he is first class mamak).

April 2009
Muslims are banned from playing ping pong or table tennis. Ping pong originates from China and because of that, may contain elements of Buddhism or Confucianism in their ping pong game. Muslims who play too much of ping pong will have their faith eroded. As an alternative solution, Muslims are encouraged to play sepak raga (however, the raga ball must be Malaysian-made, not from Thailand).

May 2009
Muslims who work with the government are banned from taking their respective salary. This is because a large portion of the government's revenue are income taxes paid by various non-Muslim companies. Muslims are encouraged to beg for alms from their fellow Muslims. To ease this process, alms hopefuls are encouraged to squat in front of the UMNO building.

June 2009
Muslims are prohibited from leaving the country. There are too many temptations that can erode the moral and faith of Muslims. This matter has been thoroughly researched as a result from the educational visit to Bangkok by the National Fatwa Council recently. Therefore, Muslims are requested to return their respective passport to the immigration department as soon as possible. Trips overseas are only possible for ministers and influential UMNO figures, provided they are escorted by members of the National Fatwa Council.

July 2009
Muslims are not allowed to think during the daytime. Most crimes and vices exist because the unemployed likes to think nonsense. To curb these crimes and vices, as of 1st July 2009, Muslims are not allowed to delve in thoughts during daytime. Their thinking freedom will be proscribed by the National Fatwa Council to a group of specially trained monkeys.

Please do not laugh. Many of the above will become a reality if we do nothing. The rational thinking Muslims in this country are simply not doing anything, or not doing enough. We let a very small minority of narrow-minded idiots control our lives. We are obssesed with the little, little things and are fast becoming a laughing stock worldwide.

When there are so many important things remain to be done, why must the Fatwa folks spend their time on little things...tomboys, yoga, etc. Why don't we ever hear anything from the Fatwa folks for social justice, eradicating corruption and poverty, protecting single mothers, helping the poor, educating the ummah, protecting the environment or ensuring fairness in society?

If you are a rational, forward-thinking Muslim, please speak up. If you choose to remain silent, it only means that you agree with whatever is happening. And do not blame the non-Muslims.

8 comments:

yuin said...

good! more root beer and ckt for me then!
Go Allah!

hawchin said...

where did you get the sources from?

Han said...

yuin: for me too!

hawchin: from my head :) i have prescience and precognitive ability.

yuin said...

haw chin: means he thinks up a lot of crap.

cindy said...

Too bad u have 0% control over d fatwa prohibition,han =(...I can have the d whole pool to myself if only ur the head.

Han said...

Hahaha! I am am the head, you'll have more than just the whole pool to yourself ;)

Kelly said...

bloody witty, that's what it is ;)
i'm assuming there's gonna aug, sept, oct, nov and dec nxt? haha.

Han said...

thanks! it depends on the demand though, lol! if it's high i'll even come up with 2010, haha!...if ISA don't catch me before that la ;)