Monday, December 8, 2008

Embers of Faith


It feels like nothing as you are ingenuously unimportant.
It feels like empowerment.
You share with them your point of view and tell them it is for them to decide.
It feels like perfidy, forsaken on a derelict starship in the coldness of the cosmos.
You start to envisage what would have been expressed; the possible and alternate ending.
When all your hopes and dreams are shattered with a double-edged word.
You start by realizing that your reality is very much discernible from truth than it is distorted.
By first writing the lyrics of compassion.
By trumping the temptation card.
It is like having penitence for breakfast, knowing you will not get atonement for dinner later.
Up above where I know the Lord will hear all my prayers.
It feels like lying to my soul.
When you feel the subtle sharp prod in your heart.
It feels like mocking the other in a satirically jesting demeanor.
Belief, religion, upbringing and a proving ground.
When hypocrisy dictates the better part of you.

It feels like tranquility...it takes everything you're made of...you look to yourself...when the candlewick of devotion is all but burnt...

I realized that having only the conclusion to my questions in trial did not suffice enough to placate my anxious soul. It did not garner me the intended closure I wished to seek. Thus, I forced myself to think deep these last few nights. Now, these answers harvested from my forced reflection has endowed me with greater clarity on how best to tread next. In time, I will learn how to flame the embers of faith from the ashes of departed devotion...

6 comments:

yuin said...

You are Chimness Maximus Emoness Complicatus.

Han said...

Chim - cuz I can't be too direct as various parties are involved.

Max - cuz it is the only way I can pen down my feelings for future recollection.

Emo - cuz there is no point in sugar-coating events in my life.

Complicated - cuz aren't we all living a complicated life from a certain POV?

gina said...

I think.. you shud stop thinking too much or else, more white hair will sprout before you even reach 30... or worse.. begin to have receding hair line.. like you know who. LOL!

Han said...

Yeah, I know who :)
Oklah, everyone say I too "chim" already in the last week so I will keep my next entry straightforward, short and simple. I've warned you.

Ling said...

it's good u found ur answers. i'm amazed at ur train of thoughts here. i can learn a thing or two from u. dun lose urself. dun compromise urself.

Han said...

Didn't realize you commented here. If it's not too late, I went through the ordeal and am now clearer with many of the things that was mentioned here. We're all in a world where there's always plenty to learn from one another :)