Lately I have come to believe that any state of presence in our perceived reality has got a lot to do with complimenting the abstract actuality of the present. It is a concept I dreamt a lot of in the past month, but the idea dates back to the very origin of time. The beginning of time. Over the course of recorded history, it has been inferred in many definitions. I call it being in existence. To the rest of the world today, it is simply Life.
It is one of the simplest words in human history, in all its different language forms and glory. It is also one of the most recognisable words in human cultures, in all its coloured traditions and beliefs. But it is probably the only word out there that cannot be defined or answered, ever. I can apppreciate the irony and cosmic significance of its meaning compressed into such a fine and simple form.
The playing pieces from the chequered board of recent events have given me much pause in areas of my thoughts. The supposedly distinct colours on the chequered boxes were meant to help me tell apart the useful from the useless, the gems from moss stones, the faithful from the faithless, and the constant from the perjurer.
But it did not. And not because my visions were clouded, or my thoughts were muddied, nor my conscience were marred. It is because I have decided to realise the living aspect of my presence.
Many have poured their wisdom onto me and mostly from observations of what I have done and accomplished in such a short period of time in spite of what happened. The most common counsel dispensed is that change is the only constant thing in life.
I disagree. If change is constant in life, it means we have no choice over these changes. The ability, capacity and freedom to choose in the very first place means we have the independence to affect variable outcomes in our life. Change is a variable, not a constant. We all have choices and we make our own of it.
It is like art imitating life...
It is here at this juncture that I came to recognise my vernacular habit of using a certain phrase of mine in past entries...twice. The question begs itself for an answer to the reason why. But the bigger question is why am I using it for the third time now?
Because I am choosing to look for the complimenting self of things, people and events that I come across in my life so that the unconscious desire to repeat the phrase will finally be gratified and then fade away. In my own perceived reality of the present, I am trying to now look back and figure out each of the phrases I've ever created and explain how each of it has another complimenting meaning or definition to it. For this is how I choose to exist from now on; to balance it and to find parallel yet divergent meanings. It is not easy yet idiosyncratic. It is fear in risks itself. There will be consequences.
Life is just not simply that to me anymore. Life is being in existence. You exist in your own presence. Therein lies its beauty. For it is like art imitating life...because life is like drawing without an eraser.