Tuesday, March 17, 2009

The Flickering Millstone

Subatomic particles flicker in and out of existence depending on whether I am watching them or not.

~Everyday Immortality / Deepak Chopra~

Living today was like tiptoeing along the insipidly thin cord of rickety nature. The diaphanous makeup of the rope which I gaited on was perilous and tenuous indeed. It felt like I was languidly skimming through twines of fallacious caricatures with a pensive mood as my only companion.

It was a day when I realized even the most majestic and mightiest of arial predators can easily become the most prominent of preys for the land marauders simply for being too prevailing in its firmamental ecology. Even the swiftest and lithest of eagles get shot down by credulous hunters for flaunting its guile conceitedly.

I never would have thought I was capable of such a ludicrous mistake. It was because of my ingenuous imprudence that led to the disappointment and inconvenience of others. My oversight in my work today dashed the sanguine optimism of an individual. The most anguished part of all was that I already received the gratitude and appreciation before all hell broke lose.

Time is what I hope to transpose. Its antithesis being that of a defaulted day. But I realized the seeds of the inevitable fault was already sowed a few weeks back and there was nothing I could have done today that would have reversed the inexorable. It was preordained that the yield of prejudice would have indiscriminately sprouted from the ground of self-reproach today. My terra firma of culpable disposition.

As I drove back torpidly in my insidious indolence, I mollified myself in my own existence of placating flashbacks. This was when I discerned the fathomable flickering of my proverbial surroundings. I recalled that I am but only one of the many millions of playing pieces in the boardgame of comtemporary musing that we all have come to know as Life.

What happened to me today was a direct result of the infinitesimal undertakings in my life. When I saw this rapport between today's events and the people surrounding my proverbial environment, the affinity harnessed could not be more edifying and humbling. I could then relate to the didactic individual involved who was disappointed and realized that even subatomic particles of immaterial things are made up of atoms anyway whether it is static, in motion...or flickering.

I will not muse on this issue further after tonight because Life has a very cynical face to it - when I am not looking or seaching or yearning, it rewards me in the most unsuspecting way; when I deliberately seek and crave for an elucidation, it mocks me in the most comtemptous manner. Hence this existence that I have created for myself and the people that I work with while silently perceiving the millstones of my experience.

I will continue to remind myself that an error only becomes a mistake when it is repeated.


LiNG said...

eh dude take things easy and look at life with a pinch of salt sometimes. It's a tough world out there so don't be too hard on urself. dah lah the economy outlook coming is so so bad.

joslip said...

this is call corporate! take it easy, and wat is millstone btw?

Han said...

LiNG: But sometimes it is very salty la, bro! I give you eat ikan masin everyday, you boleh tahan tak? LOL! But point noted :)

joslip: I am working for American corporates...tell me about that! Millstone means problems.

Kelly said...

A very descriptive story of ur bad day...and ur statement about repeated error only becomes a mistake is useful :)

Cheer up and hope your colleague is ok by now. We all make mistakes...oops, errors ;)

Ree said...

mr. weihan, it's friday. this was on tues. think by now u r OK. so enjoy ur weekend and be more mindful next week ya. nobody is perfect. i think many can relate to this post. to me an error and a mistake is the same. making an error twice is same as making mistake twice. so give urself allowance lar, max 3 times :)

Han said...

I don't know if my colleague is ok or not. The person is working in a different country.

I am ok. Actually something worse happened yesterday that totally took my mind off this issue already. And this time, it has nothing to do with my fault, haha! You are right, no one is perfect and that's why I persist on tolerance. Ok, a matter of word choice then for my last sentence in the post but I can go on a debate with you on this one ;) I still stand my ground on the error and mistake part, they are different things to me. 3 times? That's being silly already, making an error/mistake 3 times only wanna repent :P

Amoeba said...

Wahh, han...your blog is so mind boggling and the words you use all very deep meaning lah. I have hardtime understanding especially this entry. lazy to go read the rest previously :) HahaHa!! But from your frens comments i think i catch abit.My job is like that also and i think i disappoint my team members all the time. God knows how much errors i have committed lol! help me cari kerja elsewere lar, opening in your co.? =)

yCK said...

Ah Han oh ah han...remember what you blogged about before...that it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend your middle finger and tell them to BITE YOU! hahaha@! Don't STRESS YOURSELF OUT!

Han said...

LOL! You two are quite the farnee :) Must be your first time reading here, hehe! Don't worry, everyone else shares your opinion about the contents written in this blog. Hey about your job, don't feel that way too often, cuz it makes you actually live it out and act it out in real life eventually. No opening in my company for finance lar, very small headcount.

You both pakat to comment around the same time izit? Haha! But thanks for the refresher course on my "Prayers for the Stressed", ahahahaha! I'll do better, I'll extend BOTH middle fingers, LOL!