Saturday, May 23, 2009

Penury of Credence


It felt like the crucifying crushing of a thousand perfidious stakes through my heart. It felt like the overwhelming pressure of the paltry waters drowning in the ocean depths of hypocrisy. It felt like vindictive suffocation from the duplicitous air of unyielding intellect. And it felt like the misplaced trust of an unfaltering stanchness on an emotionless rock of affectation.

I lived through these senseless adages in a day that was filled with perpetual pleasantness until the hammer of adjudication fell in one fleeting motion of reversed affability. There was no way I could have envisaged the coming of the corporate onslaught. A circuitous blow from one of your own is usually not expected. It was almost evocative of a friendly fire literally behind enemy lines. Suffice to say, I was unprepared from the result of coming up short in my wildest imagination department.

We sometimes sell ourselves short of our own expectations in order to meet the unrealistic demands of others. I then wonder how could I have allowed myself to be placed into such an uncompromising situation to begin with. To live with this given obduracy is to condemn yourself into reviling reproach.

With recent events snapping into place in a series of perspicacious puzzle, I cannot help but be contented in the discernment of my own vocation. The acuity acquired is astute and inestimable. Hence for now, I shall immerse myself in the unrelenting forbearance of elucidating waters.

The proving grounds which I have so often and consistently whet upon will now serve as a reminder of how perilous and precarious it can be at times of unremitting adversity. The order of the day is the penury from which all my source of destitution stems from. With this in mind, I know that the custodians of my trade maturity has only so much to offer in terms of enduring enthusiasm in revealing the road to perdition before me.

It is very hard to live through such proxies day-in and day-out but I know the resilience lies within me as I try to shirk the belief that I am already at the edge of my patience and tolerance...two words among the very few in my life from which I borrow all my credence from.

And as I move onwards with both eyes affixed onto the finish line, I learn that life as I see it, is not painted with colours...but by colours of knowledge, choice and absence where we attach our faith onto. Sometimes we see the colours, sometimes we gain and lose some knowledge, sometimes we observe the choices, sometimes we recognize the absences...

And sometimes in life we do not get things the way we wanted, but we gain extra knowledge of what others wanted.

11 comments:

Ju Ann said...

I dunno if it'll be too childish to say; do not lower your expectations to meet others' performance, try to raise their level of performance to meet your expectations. LOL..I said it like as though we can control others.

Han said...

Hey yCK, ter-delete your comment earlier so will re-post here :)

lol! ur intro is so dramatic wei. but hor i think you are very nice already la, still can tahan these ppl. if i am u sure taruh them kow kow alredy wan. how to work with such ppl lah?!!

all i can say is keep doing whatever you are doing. u have always been a patient guy and abundance of tolerance. god has eyes, he will reward the kind. :)

and keep on writing bcos good things like this are meant to be shared hehehe!

Han said...

Ju Ann:
Wow! That is truly something profound you said there...I think you are right, it is as if I have control over others. Maybe I shall adopt this R.o.E when I become boss next time, in fact I think most bosses adopt this when they get there. It's the role of people developer that they will definitely play out. HAHA! Not chidlish at all :)


yCK:
Dramatic kah? Hehe, it's just how I felt at that time lar, multiplied by a hundred times! LOL! The only way to work with them is to plough on with both eyes closed and hoping you'll emerge from the dense forest into a clearing soon. Also never to stoop to their level. God will reward the deserving :) Eh what good things like this meant to be shared? You mean my misery is a good thing to be shared? AHAHHA! ;)

Kelly said...

Sometimes we are faced with this kind of situation at work. ur entry reminds me of when i first started off. It was hard and office politics were the order of the day.

Dont lose your confidence. At least that is what your title is suggesting.

It's a good learning and i feel u have taken the best lesson from this.

like you said "life is not painted with colours...but by colours of knowledge, choice and absence where we attach our faith onto"

Son don't lose faith :)

Rabbit's Fewt said...

Never compromise your stance. The most you do is to accomodate others. Once you compromise your belief and stance, you lose yourself and you will continue doing it.

Yes, sometimes these advsersities can be unremitting but I guess it makes you a stronger person. I don't think your coming up short with your credences so this temporary penury is only a phase. Forget your custodians too because it's a man-eat-man world out there.

Your closing sentence is very well said. I am glad you found your wisdom in this event.

Han said...

Kelly:
So are office politics still the order of the day for you, nowadays? :) You were right, that this recent event has shaken my confidence a little, but not in myself...but in others around me. Others whom I've trusted and given faith too. People who I labelled as friends. Lost the faith in a few others, I have but in me, I will not :)


Rabbit's Fewt:
Thanks for your words. Man-eats-man world out there...the hard reality of life, haha! Well, if first you don't succeed, try and try again...what doesn't kill you will make you stronger :)

★ whoaamello ★ said...

LOL. Don't be so sure, mate. I might just get lazy and completely disappoint. But YES. Whoo-hoo for summer ♥♥ Sleep all day and stay up all night! ;D

Amy said...

Your ending is beautiful and meaningful. Lots of wisdome and experience sharing there :)

Han said...

whoaamello:
Really? I highly doubt it, look at you, I didnt login for nearly 2 weeks and you've so many posts already! LOL! Yeah, don't rub it in here ok...you do realize most of my readers here are working people, careful or you might get some verbal abuse from them here just because they can't have anymore "Summertime", HAHA!


Amy:
Hey, thanks. Feel free to share some too sometimes :)

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