It felt like the crucifying crushing of a thousand perfidious stakes through my heart. It felt like the overwhelming pressure of the paltry waters drowning in the ocean depths of hypocrisy. It felt like vindictive suffocation from the duplicitous air of unyielding intellect. And it felt like the misplaced trust of an unfaltering stanchness on an emotionless rock of affectation.
I lived through these senseless adages in a day that was filled with perpetual pleasantness until the hammer of adjudication fell in one fleeting motion of reversed affability. There was no way I could have envisaged the coming of the corporate onslaught. A circuitous blow from one of your own is usually not expected. It was almost evocative of a friendly fire literally behind enemy lines. Suffice to say, I was unprepared from the result of coming up short in my wildest imagination department.
We sometimes sell ourselves short of our own expectations in order to meet the unrealistic demands of others. I then wonder how could I have allowed myself to be placed into such an uncompromising situation to begin with. To live with this given obduracy is to condemn yourself into reviling reproach.
With recent events snapping into place in a series of perspicacious puzzle, I cannot help but be contented in the discernment of my own vocation. The acuity acquired is astute and inestimable. Hence for now, I shall immerse myself in the unrelenting forbearance of elucidating waters.
The proving grounds which I have so often and consistently whet upon will now serve as a reminder of how perilous and precarious it can be at times of unremitting adversity. The order of the day is the penury from which all my source of destitution stems from. With this in mind, I know that the custodians of my trade maturity has only so much to offer in terms of enduring enthusiasm in revealing the road to perdition before me.
It is very hard to live through such proxies day-in and day-out but I know the resilience lies within me as I try to shirk the belief that I am already at the edge of my patience and tolerance...two words among the very few in my life from which I borrow all my credence from.
And as I move onwards with both eyes affixed onto the finish line, I learn that life as I see it, is not painted with colours...but by colours of knowledge, choice and absence where we attach our faith onto. Sometimes we see the colours, sometimes we gain and lose some knowledge, sometimes we observe the choices, sometimes we recognize the absences...
And sometimes in life we do not get things the way we wanted, but we gain extra knowledge of what others wanted.