Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Sandpapers of Salvation

I am sorry that you have to go through what you go through. I wish there was a way I could tell you that everything will be alright and actually believed it. And in saying that, I would actually help you to carry yourself out from the depths of your scarred soul and bitter heart. But knowing what has happened before and what is still happening to you, I know I am merely telling you a fabricated assurance from the bottom of my empathetic heart.

But empathy is not all I have to declare to you in this longstanding connection we have that is called friendship. I have countless times proclaimed my dedication and loyalty, trust and awareness, sympathy and forgiveness, and even silent companionship. I have given all these and yet I have given nothing, at least not something where it matters most, to raise you and to lift you back up again.

I know you are extremely tired of being here, your own reality. I have seen your past and present still haunting you. I know you wish it would leave you alone and just disappear. But know this; it will never go away. Your once pleasant dreams will always haunt you. And if you do not allow yourself to hurt, that voice will chase away your sanity. For I know in your loneliest hours you cried yourself to sleep and tried so hard to remind yourself there is just too much real pain that time can never erase.

But time is what you have. You must see that you are not bounded by your past and what was left behind. I know that you must think you hate life at the moment and embrace death. I can see that in your mind you hate life because of what it has been to you, a beautiful lie all along. And you believe your yearning for salvation lies in death, the painful truth. I pray for you that eventually you will learn that suffering is part of life and death is immortality without existence.

I have seen you speaking to yourself and expecting signs from someone divine. I have seen you searching for that light to lead you back to a place where you can find peace again. I hope that you can continue to bring yourself to walk there, to keep trusting and to find your purpose. For in that storm, you calm yourself. For in your own hands, you will not let yourself fall. For in your own heart, you take your own breathe away.

But you are not there yet. And knowing that in itself is to know where you stand, to understand how you will be moved, and to accept the truth that everything will become better than this because I have seen it before, in others now and in others before you. You will see in the end that this was meant to happen to you, that you were meant to lose your innocence. You were supposed to lose yourself so that you can find yourself again. Everyone needs to find themselves at least once in their life.

I want to tell you that this is being in existence. I want to welcome you to life and everything that it has to offer you. All you have to do is to reach for it yourself. I want you to realise that there will always be conflicts and struggles, and you will never be alone. You must know now that you have people who care, who are watching and who are waiting to see what will happen next with you. So I want to dare you to fall and to fail, to move and to hurt.

But it does not stop there. The need to overcome and rise is between who you are now and who you could become, between how it is and how it should be. I want to remind you that the path to salvation and redemption starts right where you fell, for forgiveness lies at your feet. So take it, for it belongs to you. And always remember that when people hurt you over and over, think of them like sandpapers. They may scratch you and hurt you, bit by bit. But in the end, you end up polished and they end up useless.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

It's beautifully written, this journal of yours.... How one would end up more polished, and the other useless.