I have always looked in envy of other families that embrace, live and understand the greater intricacies of familial kinship. Gazing at these little pockets of copious solidarity through my love-tinted glasses, I fervently venerate the jaunty adulation witnessed in silent reverie for as long as I can remember.
Of course, someone will constantly remind me that the grass is always greener on the other side. That may be true but only to the extent of its unembroidered meaning. I would think that this is the case because we look across to the greener side where the light shines brighter. I will then say we should let in more light into our own lives instead of counting on the luminosity from the other fount.
Whatever the reason or circumstances we all find ourselves in, it never is pleasant or heartening to learn of a friend's adversity. The story that was shared made me realize that in a larger world, we're all going through the same endeavour at home. We are no different than our neighbours, colleagues, friends and other passing acquaintances in our life.
I used to pity myself a lot and I still do nowadays. The insidious discontentment I have inside built from years and years of enduring the contemptible in my sanctuary has spawned me into two things from my chasm of careless whispering - the faithless believer and the desirous dreamer.
That is why when I see the beginnings of a similar chronicle happening unto a close friend, I cannot help but to be supportive and understanding. It has also make me search deeper within my soul to better understand my own probity. Virtue as I see it, is wielded like a double-edged sword. No matter where it slashes, you are the one grasping its hilt. When it has executed your will, you sheathe the sword of withered belief back into its scabbard of virtuous rectitude.
When the seemingly unbreakable trust in a family crumbles down after years of storming through all kinds of weather, you start to wonder about many things and question the weight and intimacy of its origin. The layers of trust in a family is interlaced with sinuous lies and truths. As the saying goes - it takes years to build trust but seconds to destroy it. What the storytellers failed to continue divulging is that Lies is its number one nemesis.
When a group of emotionally interdependent creatures realize that even the most steadfast among them can succumb to the wiles of a sinner's sin, it is truly heartbreaking to listen - even more so to be the one living through it.
I do not know how we will all pick ourselves up from here. I do not know what holds for us in the futurescape of an uncertain and seemingly lost cause, at least for my part. I do not wish to open up myself again because my sword has a broken hilt.
I can only pray and hope the best for those joining into the fray now and continue to be my own desirous dreamer...no more the faithless believer whose own dreamwalking reflection echoes the ripple of yesterday's promise.
From the tranquility of the still waters I can understand how it is that lying makes a problem part of the future while the truth makes a problem part of the past.