Wednesday, January 21, 2009

The Absence of Reality


I learned a lot about myself in the last week. I realized that somehow I may need to compromise my nature in order to better coalesce with my contiguous environment. Sometimes, it is these innocent adages expressed by sympathetic souls and their solicitous ideals that lend to my self-imposed reflection. It is not a path I wish to tread but it is also not a path I can afford to stride through. Sometimes we trample on the path we chose to walk, only to comprehend that the path now left behind is secreted from the next hiker.

At first I was contented in jubilant reverie. Later, I realized it was all ephemeral. The fleeting rickety of my familiar persona was nullified into oblivion. The void of my abysmal emptiness has left me with a smear. The blemish is now irrepressible. I can choose to let it steer my ship's course as that would seem the wiser choice or I can dictate the consequences of these imparted adages to affix a sense of worth into my moral fiber.

In another contemporaneous reality, I discovered a revelation. The Rays of perpetual brilliance has been glittered down to only a glancing glint. What was formerly a luminous and radiant beacon of latent amity is now only an ordinary flicker. The Rays have become the Ruins of a crumbling foundation of familiarity. I have seen what the long years will do to it and can only regret when I've trespassed this sanctuary. These Ruins will fade in time and become only a footnote in the annals of history for departed devotion.

I now look to the near horizon. Into the crashing waves from the Sea of infinite reaches of likelihood. The Sea will provide the breeze that I need to weather the searing heat predicted in the days ahead. This Sea will also bring forth the Sand that will become the foundation to my feet, to soften when I'm laden with burden, to harden when I dash for the victory lap, and to caress with its coarseness when I need my scars to be smoothed.

Most importantly, I look to my Cavalcade for the definitive answer. I am still learning how to lead this procession because as of late, the columns of dedication have been faltering but I stand resolute at the point. I will not yield in the face of expected impediment, like all other pilgrimages. For inside the lead caravan lies my only hope of Conscience that will lead me back to idyllic reality.

In the months ahead, I have to constantly remind myself that happiness is just an illusion caused by the temporary absence of reality.

6 comments:

Lian said...

although i don't know what your writing means, some of it echoes the things i'm going thru at the moment and it's comforting to see it reflected in writing like that. be strong.

Am said...

can i have exclusive rights to publish ur entry? haha.

Han said...

Lian: Don't worry. As usual, I prefer not to reveal too much of my personal life in my entries. I hope for you to be strong in yours too.

Am: What for? LOL!

Lian said...

if so, why u write? curious...if only for own viewing, why not keep a personal diary (online or otherwise)?

Terry said...

Are you writing about several people here and how they meant and will mean to you next? =)

Han said...

Lian: I really can't answer you. I'll think about this and maybe reply you soon :)

Terry: Do you have a blog? Please share if yes. I think you're very perceptive :)