The Secret Plateau

Shadowed Flames

2011-02-25T01:41:00.015+08:00

The perception yielded in on itself, converged and collapsed and embraced experiences and sentiments and moments, then fluttered away into disjointed luminous, lustrous, precious strands; taut and resounding before fusing again into singularities.

The Observer saw that the perception was divergent. Not linear but parallel.

In the steely and metallic enclosure teemed with minds of worldly adulation, an assemblage of prominent individuals blanketed the floor - prime births from family backgrounds of the distinguished, the famed, the renowned, the influential, and the powerful. All so significant and yet piteous, so majestic and yet wretched in the knowledge of what is to befall upon mankind.

The Observer backed against the rugged wall behind a section of ancient relics and shrouded himself in obscurity. His silhouette was a blur of an outline; unremarkable and nondescript to the untrained eye. And the perception wove itself in and around and through him. He documented the traits of his subjects. Our subjects! It was the first time the voice inside his head spoke since his inception into tonight's stately reception.

Recovering from the fleeting setback, the Observer swiftly but methodically resumed his shadowing. His gaze slipping in and out of the audience's sinuously fabricated layers of nature and nurture, indifferent to the horizontal truths that enfolded ominously in their hearts. The very hearts that fed their swollen minds with promises of riches, pledges of loyalties, and assurances of spoils.

In his research, he saw what has happened. In his heart, he knew what has become. In his mind, he recognized the unraveling. And in his being, he believed what will be. Inevitability!

The voice again spoke in the Observer's mind. He was neither crazy nor disillusioned. Recollection flooded back and he remembered the silver piece of metal implanted into his left ear a long time ago. On the day he was received into the elite and privileged caste of individuals bestowed with the honorable responsibility to preserve reality's greatest manifestation.

That single piece of metal served as a gateway and access point for the possessor to gain entry and admission into a virtually limitless depository of information. It symbolized his kind's empowerment to the gifted for the evolution and survival of Reality's Greatest. It also worked as a conduit for inter-spacetime communications. You remember now...then it is about time.

An epiphany immediately flooded his awareness and the Observer was renewed. Emboldened by this new consciousness, he refocused his perception on the throng of people spread out before his resolute gaze.

His was the understanding of how far these humans - these so-called leaders of humanity have given up and forgotten reality in place of worldly adulations. The world was beset by plagues, overrun with undying fires, besieged by earthlanches, infested with artificials, and overwhelmed with many more upheavals and ruins. It was cataclysm at the primal level and all these individuals only cared about were money, businesses, alliances, and corporate charities.

The Observer could not comprehend how did they evolved from their hopeful and humble beginnings into this. It is the greed of mankind and losing sight of what was once fundamentally important but is now taken granted for.

He cringed at that thought. Each word, deed, and life was a mere drop in the infinite ocean of perceptions, persistently merging and separating to merge again. The belief would have challenged the feeble minded, the Observer saw; but his mind had been instructed to contain such contradictions as things being separate and having no distinctiveness.

With this conclusion, he pursed his lips and uttered voices in a low and inaudible sound inside his throat. The Observer spoke for the first time tonight to the voice within - his handler, "This knowledge, this pattern of the blueprint for what has happened so often before, is about to happen again".

The perception was completely parallel now; it was transforming and mutating. The Observer discerned patterns that floated on the surface of the cosmic rivulet. Again and again the pattern appeared in swirling images across the waters of an era and future and fate, submerging and manifesting with a cold precision that made even the Observer tremble.

Only true births can steer the course of the Manifestation into realizing its fullest potential.

"We have become so corrupt and full of ourselves, we have interlaced so many eons of our rich and honorable history with lies and deceit, destruction and annihilation. We've become slaves to our own culture and livelihood. We even forgot what it is to be human, to live on this planet as its guardian and custodian".

In an instant, the Observer ceased his shadowing and removed himself from the shroud of ancient relics. His fleeting steps took him as fast and far away from the enclosure, as sure as silence itself. He opened to what was out there; every second that ticked by represented another generational life span of a prime born.

Do not run from the inevitable...face it, embrace it! His handler challenged him to close in on himself, to not expose himself to the pain of the wreckage caught in the swollen minds of their subjects.

The Observer could not afford himself such luxuries, "I am not running from the inevitable, I am merely sprinting towards the preservation of reality's greatest manifestation...us humankind!"

Do you think humankind can be redeemed? Cursed be to those who see truth only but not reality! For Reality manifests but Humankind suffers the rest.

When the terrible knowledge of what had come before, and what was sure to unravel now within humanity, tainted the still flames of perception in his converted consciousness, he summoned all his energy and sent forth his howl, "I will not suffer their fate nor punish them for their transgressions!"

This made him indispensable.

The silence broke in and invaded the calmness. The handler retained his composure. There was stillness, and there was quiet.

Immobility transcends the Observer. Quietude finally persisted in the visage of serenity.

What have we to gain compared with all that we can lose?

The Tapestry

2011-02-19T12:38:00.005+08:00

Amity, jealousy, relationship, compromise, diffidence, and brazenness when sewn together, becomes a ball of fluid blend with interweaving strings of dissolutive harmony. If I had a wish for tonight, I would have wished the strings not be sewn but threaded, the fabric not be coloured but dyed, and the cloth not be knitted but unraveled. So that I could see what I have been wearing myself with all this time of trying out the ambiguous apparels from the same wardrobe of constancy.

It is very difficult when all the bits and pieces involved in the making of the garments are spawned from the uncharitable and false hearts of men. In my calm and calculating mind, I wonder if they are the progenies of past profligates, whose only source of enlightenment and pleasure come from that of marring the bearer with licentious livery.

But it is what it is. People are who they are and every fabric in the master tapestry of amalgamation serves its own intention. The union around the draperies lined with untried and untested honesty. The embroideries within filled with adulterated integrity. These are the qualities of fabrics I adorn myself with in recent times.

The veracity of vile vehemence vexes my vigour and verve vividly.

So to what end I endure and provoke myself to continue serving out unconditional affection? There is no point in continually garnishing myself in the warmth of these outfits within, and take pleasure in the smooth comfort of the silky fabrics without, when they lend substance to the silky tongues to which my ears and eyes and essence were so deceived lately.

It is the attachment that makes it painful; unbearable most of the time but heart wrenching every time. There is no point in feeling so indisposed toward this company of frauds who could care no better for other people’s sentiment, less I be disposed during emotionally heightened moments.

I only fear now that I may be on a path to a semi-cloistered life but given the alternative, I know this reclusive realization is the higher road to take. It is after all, only pertinently personalized for the fakes, the coy, the boisterous, the conceited and the vain. I do not think loneliness will ever be a problem. It becomes a form of privacy; devotion to the deserving only.

It is no longer a wonder to me, how I feel about all this. Because of them, it made me appreciate the meaning of attachment, and the waste of it.

It may be that one of the worst things in life is attachment; because it hurts when you lose it. So is it sardonic to think that one of the best things in life is then loneliness? Just because it teaches you everything and when you lose it, you gain everything?

Devious Inception

2010-07-26T15:07:00.004+08:00

KUALA LUMPUR: A massive nationwide joint operation was conducted by the local law enforcement and the state police reserves yesterday. It was the largest operation executed within the last 5 years eclipsing past major operations like those of Ops Sikap I, II, III, IV, ABC, JKL, RST, XYZ, Alpha, Iota, Omega and Zeta.

Roadblocks were setup at main highways, high-traffic exits and major shopping malls. Field reports indicated that all motor vehicles displaying the logo of the famous UK-based football club Manchester United were stopped and its drivers detained for questioning.

This action was a direct result from the ruling by the nation’s leading Fatwa scholars 5 days ago where the iconic symbol of the most successful football club on the planet (Manchester United) was deemed unislamic and is now illegal.

Eyewitness accounts reported the presence of expert Fatwa Extractors at the roadblocks. These highly-trained and highly-paid Extractors had standing orders to remove all visible and unlawful logos from the detained vehicles. In cases where the logos were irremovable, the vehicles were impounded and sent for scrapping.

An anonymous Extractor was approached for comments, “The f***! I don’t know why the f*** I am doing this. It is just my f***ing job and I just do it. Ask the f***ers at the Fatwa administration. I am just doing it for the f***ing money”.

The operation also showcased expert planning and execution as Fatwa Fireteams were strategically deployed at 5km radiuses throughout the Klang Valley to respond to any emergency requests to carry out their purpose. They were tasked with the unique responsibility of destroying these heretic logos onsite by incinerating it with extreme prejudice.

Traffic jams were widely reported throughout the Klang Valley. Priscilla Patrick who is a recognized local radio station personality broke the Guinness World Record for the longest traffic jam report at 3 hours 25 minutes and 7 seconds long.

It was an ugly scene of chaos as motor vehicles were in a deadlock. Traffic standstills at major shopping malls were reported to extend 10km to all directions. Most of these weekend shoppers were clueless about the cause of the jam and were stupefied to learn about the reason when they reached the roadblocks.

Reliable eyewitnesses indicated that motor vehicles with football team logos bearing the cross sign were being pulled over as well. A source reported that a Brazilian by the name of Felipo Fatwanha who was on a 2-month long vacation in KL was stopped by the police when his rented car was spotted displaying the Brazil football team logo. Subsequent investigation confirmed with a source from the Immigration that a certain Mr. Fatwanha left the country yesterday night via China Airways. He forfeited his Malaysian Airlines return ticket to Brazil which he accidentally left on the ticket counter. When reporters requested access to the ticket, a note was found written on the backside of the ticket which reads MH – MALAYSIAN HYPOCRISY.

Terror incidents were also reported at The Gardens and Pavilion shopping malls. Fatwa Forgers in plain clothes were seen stalking and harassing shoppers donning football jerseys like Man Utd, England, Portugal and Barcelona. Witnesses to the incidents reported that these unsuspecting shoppers were asked to remove their jerseys. The offenders were escorted to the nearest fitting rooms or toilets to facilitate the surrender of the contraband jerseys. The Forgers were also considerate enough to provide the hapless shoppers replacement jerseys in various size and colour. These replacement jerseys came with a set of printed number and name.

A clueless Portuguese offender who refused to be named on the matter was approached to comment on the actions of the Forgers and their thoughtful gesture, "Oh, I thought they (Forgers) were very professional and committed. And also very creative. The jersey is very nice too. The number is 1 and the name is Malaysia."

In other news, raids were simultaneously executed and spearheaded by Fatwa Pointmen at all sports outlet nationwide. All illicit football jerseys at these outlets were confiscated. Mysteriously there were no Fatwa Fireteams reported present onsite. Journalists on duty at The Gardens and Pavilion gave a similar report. The Police Commander issued a statement this morning that the value of the goods confiscated from the nationwide raids is worth RM7.8 million (USD2.3 mil) - equivalent to the amount allocated for the establishment of 14 Special Corruption Sessions Courts and 4 Special Corruption Appeal High Courts in the 2010 Budget.

A Miss Fatima Wahab aged 25, branch owner of a highly successful local sports franchise called Al-Ikhsan was seen in tears and traumatized by the audacity and persecution of the Pointmen, "Why they did it? I just opened my shop 3 weeks ago. It's my life savings. Now I am bankrupt. How am I going to pay the loan? Pay my rent? How am I to support my mother?” She was later observed entering Wisma MCA the evening of the same day.

An Indian boy at the scene who refused to be named but chose to be interviewed said, "Why did they (Pointmen) also took the Liverpool jerseys? Their logo are just birds!"

Mr. Fatil Watul, the Pointmen in charge at the scene responded, "Liverpool’s jersey promotes alcoholic beverages (Carlsberg). Alcohol is unislamic".

Major local newspaper journalists and TV station reporters combined resources to pinpoint the location of the elusive Fatwa Architect – the mastermind behind the carefully planned and perfectly executed operation. Overwhelming public outcry demanded an explanation from the Fatwa Administration. After combining resources and cross checking their network databases, the Architect was located at a mamak stall in Petaling Jaya.

When found, the Architect was wearing a football jersey from that of the Everton football club. Reporters enthusiastically questioned the Architect about the illegal jersey he was wearing, “Why? Everton’s jersey is just promoting elephant wildlife from a place called Chang in Thailand”.

A Specter's Past

2010-07-22T21:35:00.006+08:00

What was once a seemingly straight road is now twisted, bent and forked.
This dreamscape I have or had...will it ever be written or walked?

The world is now a smaller place to me. This landscape that I tread upon is a carpet of indiscernible fate. Its outline so unapparent I am blinded by uncertainty and indecision.

I am struggling...no. I have been struggling for months. Or is it years now? Is it that hard to know a man's path in life? I've heard all the stories there is to know about discovering yourself, finding your destiny in life, becoming the person you are meant to be and more. These so called truisms come no where near in steering me towards a funneling point.

I keep revisiting these truisms like a phantom haunting my own past. And I've always had a hunch I knew what I wanted to do in life. What I wanted to become. What I know I am capable of, even if only in dreams. But too often the path spawned from an idea in the deepest chasm of my subconscious leads not to action.

It is always held back by my own pragmatic sieve. And the intuitive part takes hold and gets evaporated away by my own inferior flame.

I recall vividly the very enlightening moment I had about 2 months ago during a training I attended. In one of the sessions, I was asked to reflect deeply within me what I really wanted to do with my life if all constraints were taken away...if I had the world as my time. The possibilities were limitless but my subconscious only zeroed in on one thing that mattered.

The one thing that has defined me in the past couple of years. The thing that I take for granted so often but yet find so much joy and satisfaction in doing. The one thing I know for sure people recognize me for. Or is it all just part of me looking through a reflective mirror engulfed by wisps of wishful thinking? If that was even possible...and that is exactly my point!

The deadline approaches and I have to decide soon. To many, it may just be a small step. But to me, it is about breaking my inner limits. Coming out of my psychological shell to do that one thing that will put an end to all the self-doubts. For the hardest part is mustering that courage I know that will push me forward.

So will it come to the juncture? Where I'll say "There, I've done it. I've written my future".

Be that as it may, I will undoubtedly take that sentence up to its literal meaning at the end of the day. God willing. Please grant me the courage I so badly need for I see now...

I know that courage is the discovery that I may not win, and trying when I know I may lose.

When Honour Meets Envy

2010-05-22T12:11:00.007+08:00

I have often mused about the trappings of an adult life and the definition of it. Allegorical questions like what it takes? how it works? who to look to? and where it leads? are but a few of the more abstract anonymities that vexes my mind this morning.

But perhaps the grayest conundrum of all is the question of WHEN?

When to be strong and vulnerable?
When do you persist in the face of futility?
When do you give up?
And when do you honour?

The list of rhetorical questions will undoubtedly go on perpetually because life is also a life-long learning process of mistakes. When you unveil the curtains of interweaving mendacities, you will regard the underpinning truth of it all - where all the answers are already entwined within our own beliefs and faiths.

Most of the things we do in life are a series of mistakes - of us missing to understand the stakes of our actions against everyone and everything around us. Its affectations have long since being the keystone to the way we conduct ourselves with the dynamics of our surroundings and the capriciousness of human nature.

I just have to go out into the world, bring along a mirror and look into it. I will see that being a grown-up comes with a lot of emotional responsibilities and mental acuity as I gaze into the people and world around me through my own indistinct reflection.

We all stand on our own patches of grass that it is always easier to look at someone else's pasture and justify all the fallacies for our desire on it. Each day in our waking moments, we have to contend with the achievements and failures of others - dealing out determining decks of judgment cards to them in hopes we may have some sort of précis from it all.

As others grow in stature and feat, there are individuals who cannot face the fate of a man's affluence. I will not lie to myself by claiming I am above such notions. Like everyone, I am only human. It is the capacity in which we bring ourselves back to solid grown and steadfast affinity that perhaps will define us for the character we could be.

People come and go. We lose and gain new friends from time to time. Successes will come knocking at your doorsteps many times, so does failure. We are not oblivious to the accomplishments of others, nor are we absently empathic of their defeats. Ultimately, everyone wants to see themselves better than others and we all strive to do that in our lifetime.

I just want to remind myself that no matter how well others do in life, I should never compare. Even more so if that person is a friend because life is more than just about the paycheck you receive at the end of the month, the key in your pocket that opens the door to a high-end property or the turbo sound of your ride coming when you sent your valet.

It is about acknowledging the reality that it is in the character of very few men to honour without envy a friend who has prospered.

Stoned Arrow

2010-05-19T20:48:00.003+08:00

If there is ever a day that I could be more incensed by someone or something than today...

Be that as it may, I was enraged by this person beyond words. My demeanor was seething with venomous focus, my veins livid with noxious gush, and my tongue ravenous with spiteful utterances and malicious intent. I could feel my jaws clenching under the tremendous restraint and my muscles straining to liberate itself from my frame of equanimity.

This is a recollection about someone who believes himself to be of higher stock than others. A vermin who sits so comfortably on his roost that he can no longer feel earth beneath him nor see his own legs, eclipsed by his potbelly. A soul who's only sole purpose in life that is not yet revealed is to make the people around him feel thankful for not being what he is.

What started as an initiative on my part to seek help and better performances resulted in an all-out war of words with the scum. An engagement that was largely his responsibility to support my querries ended up with him "educating" me in the importance of doing my job right from the start by his own right.

Even before I initiated the first communiqué, I was wrestling with my conscience of whether to rope in his superiors for my enquiries; as an indication of his incompetence and oversight and also as an accelerator in harvesting prompt reply from his gangrenous hands and festering mouth.

Perceptive consideration took the better of me. I limited the list of audience to him only. But he had the fool's courage to reply by roping in his and my superiors, much to my joy and amusement. In his response, he critiqued on everything that I asked which spawned from objective intentions of seeking help and rectifying matters. The very kind of reply you would consider as a no-contest. He was wrong.

For the backing I received from my benefactor, I fired home with a 30 minute composition of factual responses with logical system knowledge and reasoning behind kindergarten common sense. Saving the best for last, the icing on the cake was an additional last-gasp addition to the mailing list - to an overall leader 2 levels above.

At this point, subsequent chronicles of this story is no longer relevant nor a requisite. The purpose of this is just to remind me of how silly people can be when they come from higher places. Every man and woman is an equal. So talk down on others at your own risk. At the end of the day, he will be known as the Brave Fool who threw a stone and received a volley of arrows.

I need not fear individuals like this in my life. I need to remember to be true to my convictions and principals and never compromise under pressure.

Today I learned that there is nothing to fear even when you are surrounded by enemies on all sides. This should be an excellent position. Why? Because you can attack from any direction!

Broken Twig

2010-05-12T18:53:00.006+08:00

It is remarkable sometimes how far people would go just to make sure they are superior to others. Human beings are probably the only known lifeforms to kill and do harm to one another, be it physically or emotionally, for reasons other than pure instinctual survival.

In the past few months, I was swimming across torrent seas with raging winds that cut to the core of my bones. This very sea - the large body of water where I have navigated for 3 years now, is no longer the environment that I have come to respect.

This milieu of mild misgivings muttered meanings of malicious mayhem into my mind.

The people that have helped, supported and admired me for the longest time suddenly abandoned ship and left me forsaken on a derelict vessel from where its stirring philosophies and beliefs inspired blind loyalty from me when I came aboard the ship, hauled the anchor of naivete and set sail into the limitless horizon of possibilities.

With the constancy fading, I sculled my way aboard my diffused dinghy onto the shores of self-reflection clinging onto my self-worth on these sands of solitude. Every moment of the way, I kept hearing those uninspiring words of wrath that did so much harm to my poise.

A castaway on this island of intent, I gazed faraway to the other side of the world at my Plateau and resolved not to return there for a period. I know that being in that place will make me wallow in my self-pity.

I thought then that being away for a time from the Plateau will heal me but it only served to starve me of my connection and my bond. For a time, I thought I did not recognize myself anymore. I know better now.

So I'll say this to anyone on this island as I dig my feet into the earth: I am going home and I will not let the actions and words of a select few from Point Vantage dissuade me anymore. I know why I did what I did and it was folly of them to judge me too soon. Because once I am judged, forever I will arbitrate the intentions of these people...

...because if you think I am dirt, then I'll tell you that I am the soil which grow trees and you are only a broken twig.

The Fallen Angels

2010-01-31T21:25:00.003+08:00

I have often thought about angels and their origin. Even the mere fact of their existence has always been a matter of belief to me and their susbsistence a quintessence of believing. In my thoughts, I catch fleeting glimpses of sporadic settings laid between walls of infinite insights and anchored veracity. It is here at the hedge of my poignant reveries I discern the epitome of an angel...a seraph among us within the sea of waking souls and walking consciousness.

It is only recently that I realize the closest archetype of an angel resembles that of woman-kind. The embodiment cannot be closer as how these creatures of God have such an affable role in mankind, so to speak.

All I know is that lately I have grown more and more attached to the beatific allure of one such celestial being in my life. Whatever the pursuits we are striding through now, we are doing it with indulgent solidity and perceptive solidarity. I have never been this articulate in my affirmation. Be that as it may, privations in our disparity darts here and there unbriddled occasionally and sometimes it becomes the bane to our steadfast affinity.

But as I look around me in constant oddity, I see many female friends of mine who once walked the self-determining path have laid waste to their trail of misbegotten solitude. It is so easy for them to forsake one's aeriel bequest for the prospect of an earthen life filled with verve. For I can testify that there is no greater joy than being able to share your life's hopes and dreams with regrets and disappointments to a significant other whom you can so unselfishly devote to with your most altruistic reverence.

It is from this perch among the heavenly aeries that these eventual earth-bounded seraphs of our time shed the lamenting feathers of their yearning and make the graceful leap of faith into the protective and soothing arms of men. It is what these beings of worldly origins give up that men had lost in sight but is starting to gain in faith again.

For women were once angels in heaven, when they met the men they love, they then broke their wings.

Untitled

2010-01-20T20:59:00.005+08:00

Let this day be the day I remember...

The devotion,
The kindness,
The care,
The love.

Also let this be the day I will keep in my deepest most grudge...

The selfish,
The materialistic,
The hypocrits,
The insensitives.

I need not words or entries or lessons learned to remind me.
I need only the following to rescue me:

Dear Lord, I pray to You for the right thing to happen. So that I may live the days ahead guilt free and vengeance free.

The Faithless Believer

2010-01-16T10:59:00.005+08:00

I have always looked in envy of other families that embrace, live and understand the greater intricacies of familial kinship. Gazing at these little pockets of copious solidarity through my love-tinted glasses, I fervently venerate the jaunty adulation witnessed in silent reverie for as long as I can remember.

Of course, someone will constantly remind me that the grass is always greener on the other side. That may be true but only to the extent of its unembroidered meaning. I would think that this is the case because we look across to the greener side where the light shines brighter. I will then say we should let in more light into our own lives instead of counting on the luminosity from the other fount.

Whatever the reason or circumstances we all find ourselves in, it never is pleasant or heartening to learn of a friend's adversity. The story that was shared made me realize that in a larger world, we're all going through the same endeavour at home. We are no different than our neighbours, colleagues, friends and other passing acquaintances in our life.

I used to pity myself a lot and I still do nowadays. The insidious discontentment I have inside built from years and years of enduring the contemptible in my sanctuary has spawned me into two things from my chasm of careless whispering - the faithless believer and the desirous dreamer.

That is why when I see the beginnings of a similar chronicle happening unto a close friend, I cannot help but to be supportive and understanding. It has also make me search deeper within my soul to better understand my own probity. Virtue as I see it, is wielded like a double-edged sword. No matter where it slashes, you are the one grasping its hilt. When it has executed your will, you sheathe the sword of withered belief back into its scabbard of virtuous rectitude.

When the seemingly unbreakable trust in a family crumbles down after years of storming through all kinds of weather, you start to wonder about many things and question the weight and intimacy of its origin. The layers of trust in a family is interlaced with sinuous lies and truths. As the saying goes - it takes years to build trust but seconds to destroy it. What the storytellers failed to continue divulging is that Lies is its number one nemesis.

When a group of emotionally interdependent creatures realize that even the most steadfast among them can succumb to the wiles of a sinner's sin, it is truly heartbreaking to listen - even more so to be the one living through it.

I do not know how we will all pick ourselves up from here. I do not know what holds for us in the futurescape of an uncertain and seemingly lost cause, at least for my part. I do not wish to open up myself again because my sword has a broken hilt.

I can only pray and hope the best for those joining into the fray now and continue to be my own desirous dreamer...no more the faithless believer whose own dreamwalking reflection echoes the ripple of yesterday's promise.

From the tranquility of the still waters I can understand how it is that lying makes a problem part of the future while the truth makes a problem part of the past.

Knitted Strands

2010-01-10T21:31:00.006+08:00

What is the hardest thing in life?

It is not something that can be measured. It certainly isn't something concrete, its tangibility long washed away by the waves of relentless qualms. It is something that is not discernible and yet fathomable, something that is not understandable yet comprehended, and something that is not obvious yet painstakingly apparent. Its verity actually a travesty of its former self.

It's single most dominating mannerism would be the pretentious palpability of ungrateful souls. Souls that have forgotten, taken for granted, misplaced trust, strayed loyalty, and most grievous of all, losing the pure faith of other unswerving souls.

In every life connection we each make throughout our lifetime, each strand of bond we sew unto other acquaintances along the journey are like determining dominos that ricochets off the wall of cogent reckoning padded with layers of faith and belief. It is the porous nature of these layers that is the coercive aspect of this relationship dynamics which allows us to accept, nurture, forgive, forget, heal, learn and renew.

Every now and then some of these strands are knitted together into a circle of closer affiliations. It is here where the ball of closely-knitted strands start to roll that eventually it becomes so entangled and entwined that it is almost impossible to untie it. One could cut it but what if these strands are made of tougher materials?

The only way is to burn this ball of intertwined amity with the searing fury of the fieriest inferno that can destroy and melt away the strongest and deepest of relations to the very last fiber of it.

In the last couple of weeks, I learned that the hardest thing in life is knowing which bridge to cross and which bridge to burn.

Timing Cry

2009-08-26T17:27:00.002+08:00

Time was not linear. Far, far from it. Time wrapped in on itself, converged and entwined and embraced events and feelings and moments, then danced away into separate gleaming, shining, precious strands that stood alone and resonant before merging again into the vast stream.

The Preserver rested and dreamed, and time wove itself in and around and through him. Memories fluttered through his mind like gossamer-winged insects: a word that shattered centuries, a thought that changed the course of a civilization. Individuals whose insights and aspirations and even greed and fear turned seemingly inalterable tides of destiny into something new and fresh and hitherto inconceivable. Moments where everything teetered precariously on a crumbling brink, where something as intangible as an idea would send everything hurtling into oblivion or pull it back to safe, solid ground.

Each thought, word, deed, life was a mere drop in the vast ocean of time, constantly merging and separating to merge again. The concept would challenge some minds, the Preserver knew; but his mind had been destined to hold such contradictions as things being separate and having no separate identity. Grasping such elusive concepts was what he was born for.

Over all these thoughts of words and lives and ideas floated a terrible urgency and fear. Time was not linear; time was shifting and changing. But there were patterns that floated to the surface, their interwoven strands so clear and strong that even the dimmest minds could grasp them. Inevitability? Perhaps. Perhaps not. Again and again the pattern appeared in the swirling waters of time and destiny and luck, submerging and manifesting with a cold precision that made even the Preserver quail.

All the knowledge he held was precious; every memory, every sound, scent, sensation, voice, word, thought. All were vital to his being.

But this knowledge, of the pattern that had happened so often before and was about to happen again–ah, this was what made the Preserver more than important to his time.

It was what made him indispensable.

He opened to what was out there, every second that ticked by in its nonlinear, unique majesty challenging him to close in on himself, to not expose himself to the pain of the debris caught in the swollen river.

He could not allow himself such luxuries.

Not when the horrific knowledge of what had come before, and what was certain to come again, polluted the waters of time in his psyche.

He summoned all his energy, and sent forth the cry.

Of Skis, Guitars and Guns

2009-08-02T10:38:00.005+08:00

I guess being on the road can be a harrowing experience if one lets it. For me, the 24 hours travelling time I clocked yesterday weaved by easily. It is amazing what the loneliness and solitary mood escorting me at the outset can be a rousing force to put a ceasefire to my lonesomeness. I met about three to four different characters throughout my journey - people whom I never would have thought I would know in my life.

On my first leg of the journey, I sat beside a couple who was returning to Sweden. We warmed up to each other almost as soon as I took my seat. We mostly talked about vacation spots particularly in Bali and they kept mentioning how beautiful and nice KL was. They briefly visited KL just a few days ago and wanted to return for a longer trip next year and asked me for some recommendations. I broached the subject of visiting Sabah and they were convinced, I hope they see it through. We even shared a common interest for skiing and I now know the spots to go to if I ever visit Sweden. These were very polite, humble and nice people. They asked about my job and purpose to New York, I even found out their first grandchild was born a week earlier and they can't wait to see him. They even shared a little about their marriage - marrying at the age of 20! When we parted at Arlander, it was with a sense of apparent friendship. They kept on reminding me how beautiful KL is, and how great and friendly its people are.

I met another interesting character on my way from Stockholm to Newark. Here was a lady who just got married a couple of weeks back and was missing her husband so, so badly even though he was just 20 rows behind us. I found out that she manages 3 local rockbands in Sweden and her husband discovered the 3 bands and also co-managed them with her. She is more on the administrative side and her husband more to the talent discovery and song production side. She let me hear some of the songs they produced and although I do not understand most of the words, the tune was very nice. I liked it very much. They were going to Brooklyn to visit the husband's family after their marriage and we talked a little about meeting the right person of your life and doing the things you love with the person you love - there can be no greater joy, or at least one of life's greatest joys. And these two were hardcore rockers that came complete with the tattoo and piercing package. They were dating for 17 years before tying the knot.

The final character was by far the most interesting. I met him at the arrival in Newark airport. He was my driver. During the trip to the hotel, we began our conversation with the usuals - weather, journey, time, vacation spots and the likes. Eventually I learned more about him. This chap was formerly in the army and was an army detective during the Vietnam wars. He was stationed there for 2 years and completed his tour of duty in '68 just before the US pulled their troops out of there in '69. He then enlisted in the police force and then became a detective in the NJPD. This career of his lasted 27 long years and he has been to many parts of the world and seen many things. He was asked to join the NYPD but declined many times for reasons he only wish to leave it as - he loves life. He spent the next 17 years in semi-retirement as a limousine driver. His grandson is enlisting to become a member of the NYPD and he owns a house in a small island in the Bahamas where the water is only 48 feet from his house. He is divorced, does not speak freely of his wife and children and has strong reservations against the current leader of his country.

I finally arrived safely at New York and realized that meeting these people truly has added to my perspectives in life. But recalling all these people I met along the way and the conversations I had with them - I can't help but see the irony in all that has happened to me or around me the past 24 hours or so. Some people are too refrained in living their lives, some has too many open-ended outcomes, while others use sincerity as a weapon to smother the doubts in their hearts. We are all knowledgeable in our own ways and using it to assist us in the best way to live our daily lives. It is not our job to judge others for what they think, do or feel.

The paradox of an informed society is that over a period of time, it is susceptible to bias towards the same sources that project powerful information.

The Other Glass Story

2009-06-03T22:26:00.011+08:00

I could only sit still in silent sympathy as I watched him digest the news of the passing of one of his closest friends. The abridgement was overwhelming and his staggered silence was the greatest testament of all to his loss.

The passing of one individual that day rattled the entire household and unnerved us all. It felt like He took away something or someone that was part of our lives in one instant and then expunged all emotional connection and relation that was ever existent and replaced our temporary void hearts with that of blissful ignorance. At least that was how I felt...

The suddenness was unsettling, epsecially towards him. I feel for him because to be at such an age now where you have fewer friends and even fewer true friends, this loss is significant. Plans for the entire day were cancelled in exchange for self-imposed mourning. Walking down the lonely path of remembrance was what he needed as he viewed flashbacks after flashbacks of his own vivid hallucinatory images of what once was and what it could have been.

I pitied him even more so as I approached him. The creases and wrinkles on his face was deeper and more defined that afternoon, filled with deep apprehension and sorrow. There was nothing much I could do, or say...as I walked away. I knew he was embracing this loss and strengthening himself up. It was the only thing he was in control of, his feelings.

As I comtemplated on this turn of events, I realized how old he has become and how fragile he is becoming. Time which was once a measure of wealth has now become a gauge for longevity. The permanence of his existence and purpose in this world are now measurable, distinct and variable. I knew he felt like what if it was him instead.

And I can relate to his feelings. After all, the person in question was a man of great stature with enviable humility. He was one who despite his achievements overseas, remain a very down to earth man and to be in his presence was to be humbled by him. A person who placed his family first above all else, a man who provided unceasingly and abundantly and a friend who cared unconditionally and indiscriminately. It is also because of all these traits that he was highly valued by his company, widely known for his commitment and dedication beyond his scope of responsibilities.

When I looked back at the man sitting downstairs, I see so much resemblance in both and I feared the worse. I can only pray and hope to Him that he will start to realize that he is still working too hard for his age and he should start to let go, first by learning to trust others and then loving himself more. It would be such a pity for one to work so tirelessly and provide ever abundantly only to not able to enjoy the fruits of your own labour and nurture your legacy in the end. That man left behind a wife and a daughter and I sincerely pray for them to be strong in weathering the life ahead.

At the end of the day, I thought to myself that life is not so much about getting the highest paying job or the most rewarding job or the best track to career supremacy. Working should be viewed as a way of life, not living your life away with it.

I could only imagine that family's loss when I think of the things that their father would have wanted to do with them still, the marriage in which he wished to walk his daughter down the aisle with, the grandchild he had hoped to carry one day and knowing that at the end of his tenure on earth one day, he could finally rest satisfactorily knowing that his life was not measured by the number of breaths he had taken but by the number of moments that took his breath away. I sincerely wished that for him for he was such a fine man. But often in life, we do not get what we want, sometimes not even what we wanted for others.

It is cruel...

I will never look at certain things the same again because seeing one man who has already done it, and living with one who is doing it is not an easy task. As much as how we are all taught to believe that everything happens for a reason and God always has plan for everything, I could easily as well look at my life in a perspective of a half-full glass rather than a half-empty glass.

But there is another side of this 'glass' story that few of us realize. Imagine holding a glass filled with water. It is not about how heavy the glass is or what is the weight of the water inside. The key lies in how long do we hold this glass. It is easy to hold it for a few meager minutes but as the duration lengthens and the minutes become hours and the hours become days (if that is even possible), the act becomes tougher until it reaches impossibility. It is simply the longer we hold it, the heavier it becomes.

Looking back at our life and how we balance it with our work, holding this same glass of water reminisces the way we handle our work stress. If we carry our burden all the time and bring home our stress for the most parts, sooner or later this uncompromising weight will come crashing down on us. We have to learn to put things down for awhile like resting the glass of water after a few minutes only to carry it again, and again and again. When we are refreshed, we can continue on carrying the burden.

Work is never ending but our life will end one day so learn to let things go everyday and never carry it home. You can just easily pick it up tomorrow.

As to the bereaved family, I pray for them strength and hope that they do see the only way to show others that they are strong is to be weak in their hearts, but stay remembered...

Penury of Credence

2009-05-23T01:32:00.003+08:00

It felt like the crucifying crushing of a thousand perfidious stakes through my heart. It felt like the overwhelming pressure of the paltry waters drowning in the ocean depths of hypocrisy. It felt like vindictive suffocation from the duplicitous air of unyielding intellect. And it felt like the misplaced trust of an unfaltering stanchness on an emotionless rock of affectation.

I lived through these senseless adages in a day that was filled with perpetual pleasantness until the hammer of adjudication fell in one fleeting motion of reversed affability. There was no way I could have envisaged the coming of the corporate onslaught. A circuitous blow from one of your own is usually not expected. It was almost evocative of a friendly fire literally behind enemy lines. Suffice to say, I was unprepared from the result of coming up short in my wildest imagination department.

We sometimes sell ourselves short of our own expectations in order to meet the unrealistic demands of others. I then wonder how could I have allowed myself to be placed into such an uncompromising situation to begin with. To live with this given obduracy is to condemn yourself into reviling reproach.

With recent events snapping into place in a series of perspicacious puzzle, I cannot help but be contented in the discernment of my own vocation. The acuity acquired is astute and inestimable. Hence for now, I shall immerse myself in the unrelenting forbearance of elucidating waters.

The proving grounds which I have so often and consistently whet upon will now serve as a reminder of how perilous and precarious it can be at times of unremitting adversity. The order of the day is the penury from which all my source of destitution stems from. With this in mind, I know that the custodians of my trade maturity has only so much to offer in terms of enduring enthusiasm in revealing the road to perdition before me.

It is very hard to live through such proxies day-in and day-out but I know the resilience lies within me as I try to shirk the belief that I am already at the edge of my patience and tolerance...two words among the very few in my life from which I borrow all my credence from.

And as I move onwards with both eyes affixed onto the finish line, I learn that life as I see it, is not painted with colours...but by colours of knowledge, choice and absence where we attach our faith onto. Sometimes we see the colours, sometimes we gain and lose some knowledge, sometimes we observe the choices, sometimes we recognize the absences...

And sometimes in life we do not get things the way we wanted, but we gain extra knowledge of what others wanted.

The Devil Is In the Details

2009-05-22T00:00:00.006+08:00

In five days, the crusading contingent from Old Trafford will take on the expedition of the season. These seeking souls will be presented with a providential prospect of re-writing the history of football for the land which they hail from - England; and the charismatic club they humbly serve - Manchester United.

These gallant knights from the proving grounds of Carrington Field will embark on a valiant quest to invade the Roman fortress of Olimpico, wherein await the Catalan knights from the Camp Nou and their horde of Spanish culers. But how did it all began? Where did it all turned for both clubs? What were the stones that shifted in order for this momentous event to fall into place?

It all began about a month ago on a fortuitous night during the campaign to raze the Emirates where United - led by Sir Alex Ferguson, produced an awesome and overwhelming attacking display to destroy Arsenal. Park Ji-sung's opener was a result of fate and preordained fortune coupled with the faux pas of a young individual by the name of Kieran Gibbs - whose name will be remembered by the United followers for a while.

At that point in time, the United contingent went delirious. They knew the prospect of Arsenal getting three to go through was so remote to be beyond comprehension. But if United's opener came courtesy of good fortune, their next was the result of sheer audacity and bold impudence mixed with soaring ability.

Ronaldo scored a crackling freekick from 41 yards. To even think of going for goal from the spot would be dismissed by most as rash and imprudent. As Ronaldo stepped back and waited, ready to unleash his missile, Almunia knew what to expect. Indeed, it could be argued that from such distances, Almunia should not have been beaten. But as Ronaldo let loose his projectile - with venom and vigour, infused with his bodily spite and malice, and watched his shot dip and flicker, Almunia was powerless to prevent it from ripping into the net.

The rest for that night was history. As Sir Alex's men capered in exultant glory and cavorted in triumphant glee, he ordered them to tone down their merriment out of respect for the conquered combatants. It was the only mercy the Red Devils showed all night. Yes, not the chivalrous knights of Old Trafford but in truth, the fiendish Devils in disguise. The victory however, came with a price.

Darren Fletcher - one of the most honest men under Sir Alex's command, was red-carded in that battle. He was the only casualty from that fateful battle and will now miss the invasion to Rome and the siege of Olimpico.

His was the result of an unfortunate decision by the match referee in the form of a war priest whose blessings for the champions before the conflict and deliverance during the scuffle ensued in an error of tidings and injustice.

However costly this casualty was, Fletcher will be remembered as United's martyr on the day the history books were opened to be re-written. The rulling must stay as was etched in the stars. The decision of the referee should be final no matter what as it would destroy the very fabric of football reality should a red-card decision in a match of such magnitude proportions be ever reversed.

In a way, it is like opening Pandora's Box if you can challenge every decision. When you rule that it is not a red card, you are also saying it is not a penalty, and therefore not a goal. What do you do then? Start changing the results of matches afterwards? It almost feels like heresy in football. It would destroy the very foundation of decades of match rullings.

As harsh as it was, it is not an excuse and the Reds will go marching onto the Roman plains in five days. United have a date with destiny and under the tutelage of Sir Alex himself, will take on Barca hoping to come out victorious but not unscathed. Difficult and impossible decisions will be made, strategies and tactics will be revised and retried, knowledge of the enemy will be hungrily extracted and no soul will be left untouched by the deciduous inquest of the Red Devils.

The key to success and the devil, is in the details...

Vanquished

2009-05-18T23:30:00.007+08:00

The sun rose up into the enthralling expanse of the surreptitious skies and descended into the mesmeric mesas spread out across the haunting horizon of the furtive flatlands. The wind blew athwart the untainted uplands and left behind a lingering squall of riveting breeze. A streak of fiery flare whizzed across the blackness of the starlit night, leaving a trail of blue brilliance as the only evidence of the overlooked shooting star.

The outline of a distinct figure stood at the edge of a ledge observing the singular spectacle unfolded before him. With a knowing gaze, he tilted his head down and noticed the periphery silhouette of reality around him...the realization that he has not trespassed in the secret plateau lately. It was the infringement of steadfast constancy that has been purged from this land.

But little did he knew that just at the apex of the distant horizon looms the encroaching enigma that will revivify the inhospitable terrains that now plague the panorama before him. As the tectonic shifts of relentless reproach reshapes the ground below his feet, weariness cloaks the lone figure but not before imparting on him the truth that if he cannot be contented with what he has received, be thankful for what he escaped instead.

Reeling from relentless restlessness can be resentful but rewarding if rightfully requited.

Without Wind

2009-04-25T14:41:00.006+08:00

Launching a new range of products is like going through the entire process of making a baby, expecting one, labouring for one and finally looking after the baby during its infancy. It is almost as if you were playing the part of the expecting parent, as a he or she where applicable.

Before launching a product, you have to sit down with the key stakeholders of your company to discuss the prospect and feasibility of this launch and the planning involved in all related functions. Topics that are commonly touched are the launch timing, market positioning, competitors, financials, demand and supply planning. It is just like the forethought that a couple has before deciding to make a baby - the timing, financial aspects and supportability of this endeavour all comes into consideration. It is what we like to call prudent thinking.

Once all plans are finalized and management has given the project a go-ahead, the execution begins. Demands are forecasted, supply planning begins, marketing initiatives are conceptualized and new product development is initiated. Very much like the conception of the baby in the womb of the mother.

When pregnancy is confirmed a couple of months later, preparation for the birth of the baby begins. This is reminiscent of what happens when trade plans are confirmed, the artwork and formulation of the product finalized and approved and production planning begins. It is like what we do in anticipation of the baby coming into our life - seeking professional counsel in clinics or hospitals for mothers-to-be, shopping for the baby cot or the clothings, and preparing that heavenly baby room in the house.

Strange enough, the entire process of a new product launch spans approximately 9 months as well just like the pregnancy of a mother. What is even more uncanny is that the nearer the timeline of the launch approaches, the more complexity in the project arrises just like the more frequent contraction of the mother's womb when her expecting date looms nearer.

Finally when the baby is due, Murphy's Law kicks into full swing and anything that can go wrong will go wrong. The baby's expected dates are never exact and sometimes they are born earlier or later. In severe cases, giving birth may be a problem and the mother has to opt for a caesarian instead. In some instances, the place where the labouring takes place is not even planned. Similarly with the launch timing of a new product where sometimes it has to be deferred to a later date due to supply issues or moved forward due to business needs related to competition. Sometimes it is so critical that the products itself has to be airfreight from the sourcing site to meet the timeline - this to me is what I call 'pulling a caesarian' on a new product launch.

But after all the months and months of hardwork and planning, the product is finally launched and everyone in the team can breathe a sigh of relief, but only temporarily. It is like the calm before the next storm. You still have to monitor the sales and the market offtake. Perform a litmus test on the project to see if the demand captured was correct, how is the product doing at the consumer level and whether the launch is going according to plan. It is like that first moment when you hold the new born baby in your arms, checking if he/she has all 10 fingers and toes, ensuring if the baby can see and hear and cry.

Some weeks and months later, you still have to go back to the clinic for a follow-up check on the health of the baby. If there are any problems detected, the doctor will give advice and treatment accordingly for those less-fortunate babies to ensure every fighting chance of survival is given to the baby. It is no different with the new product. Every month the management will review its performance. Forecasts are adjusted accordingly until it reflects the true demand, consumer behaviour towards the product are still monitored and supplies are managed diligently to maintain an optimum level of inventory.

The rest, they say is history...

The milestones of the launch are like the milestones of the birth. We always look at the sales target achieved, market share obtained, brand equity developed and customer service level maintained but little do we realize it is like looking at our baby taking the first step, uttering the first word, going to school and so forth.

Be it a successful launch or not, it will always be our baby and it is love unconditional. It is what we all here go through day-in and day-out. When I look at it again, I see the irony of what we already do in our work with that of our lives, in the backdrop of a baby company. It is priceless.

It is never easy what we do as we are all very different people with different background and different mandate in the company. But we all strive to achieve the same goals. For me, it is about learning to adapt and meet everyone halfway. Deep down inside, I think the failure to launch maybe the single most valuable experience I can take away from this when it all finally comes to an end.

I cannot change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination. I am almost there now finally...

But a constant question remains at the back of my mind - what if there was no wind to begin with?

Intricacy Without Delicacy

2009-04-22T00:40:00.004+08:00

Jamie folded her arms across her chest. The mood in the meeting room was becoming thick with tension, “We have been tolerating this immature behavior for some time now”.

“I totally agree. I think we can use this incident as an opportunity to make the change,” replied Terence. Already feeling a trail of sweat trickling down the back of his head, he continued, “I do see your point but it’s not like we can control our customers”.

All this is good finding but can we go on with the training? It’s almost 5pm…

“Yes, we don’t control the customers but we can teach them, educate them and share with them the problems we face when they do not co-operate with us,” interjected Lynn who suddenly became animated with life.

Suddenly Carrie felt the need to cut in as well, “It is so ridiculous when we have to reject back the orders just because their order is short of 1 or 2 pieces”.

Terence’s hands were both on the table now, “I see your point but who are we to educate our customers, we cannot just tell them what to do”. He chanced a glancing look to his side at Amber and continued, “Besides, we need to also try to understand their ordering system. They consolidate the total quantity from all outlets into one single order and more often than not, these numbers are not round figures and they do not have a system or program to round up the numbers”.

Great! This is going to take longer than expected. I thought this was supposed to be a training, how did it become a discussion now? When will this end?

“But can’t you tell them that for us, we have a minimum order quantity and everytime the order is short of 1 or 2 pieces, it gets rejected and this affects our customer service”, added Michelle with a scoff.

“It’s true you know, Terence. We are talking about our KPIs here. This is something that can be easily controlled and solved,” uttered Erica in the most innocent manner.

At this point, Terence was hoping that Amber would add a few words here and there to support him. Isn’t she part of his team anyway? But to his dismay, she continued to sit silently beside him.

“But I don’t see why we can’t solve the problem from our end. We can easily manipulate the orders upon receiving to round up to the nearest number as well”, retorted Terence.

Guys, guys! Stop it please, it’s past 5pm now and we are still going nowhere with this. I think I have to take this into my own hands. Should I intervene? Use subtlety? How do I make this end?

Jamie began again and this time with less aggressiveness in her tone, “We can manage it on our end but it is too much unnecessary work”.

“Non-value added as well”, said Lynn.

“Imagine you have to manually edit the orders line by line in the system. How many orders we have in one day from this customer?” queried Michelle.

“About 20 orders for one region…” declared Nina.

“So that is about 100 orders in total!” stated Jamie.

“That is why it’s so much work. Daily, do you want to key in 100 data points?” challenged Rachel.

That’s it. I know what to do now. I’ll just throw them off in a different direction that will lead to the conclusion I want. I can’t take this anymore. This will work.

“I guess that is a lot of work,” Terence conceded.

I saw my chance and started, “I think this is a good discussion. This is definitely an opportunity we can explore for both sides. We need to solve this, so will we be organizing a separate meeting for this?”

Immediately, everyone stopped the discussion and realized the time is past due and we have severely moved off topic. “Let’s follow up with this another time, we need to get on with the training first”, announced Jamie.

Ahh, the power of subtlety and sincerity!

The rest was history. How simple it was. Sometimes it is in front of us but we missed it. Sometimes we must recognize a problem for what it is and act on it but do so with the right state of mind, the right resources, the right commitment and the right timing. If knowledge can create problems, it is not through ignorance that we can solve them.

Portals of Discovery

2009-04-07T20:50:00.010+08:00

More often than not we live through our lives as a series of connecting dots interweaving it with defining and profound events intertwined within the conundrum of possibilities.

Sometimes we are on a collision course and we just do not know it, whether it is by accident or by design. Either eventuality presents the same degree of futility. There is not a thing we can do about it.

A new man on the job changed the frequency and amount of work being sent each time to a group of workers in the suburbs. The first few shipments were inefficient due to this change which resulted in lesser work actually shipped out.

A few days later, a woman in the suburbs was on her way for her morning grocery shopping. But she had forgotten her basket and went back to get it. When she had gotten the basket, the phone had rang. So she stopped to answer it and talked for a couple of minutes.

While the woman was on the phone, Naveen was preparing lunch at home for his wife at work.

While he was cooking, the woman was off the phone now and had gone outside to her waiting husband in the car. But while she was momentarily distracted in locking the gate which took a handful of seconds more than usual, her husband hurriedly decided to drive their other smaller car instead.

Now while her husband was getting the smaller car ready, the woman got into the car just in time. The husband, who had been waiting for a long while, decided it best to take the smaller car to save on petrol, anticipating a long day doing groceries with his wife since the woman had been pretty slow so far.

All the while, Naveen was cooking.

The couple drove and had to stop for a boy crossing the street who left for his football game 15 minutes later than he normally did because he forgot to set his alarm. While that boy, late for his game was crossing the street, Naveen had finished cooking and was getting ready to do some house chores until noon before sending the lunch to his wife.

And while Naveen was taking out the garbage, the house phone rang. He picked up the call and his wife informed that work would end before lunch; a lot earlier than it normally would that day because there was not enough of work to go around from the new change in shipments. Her supervisor had sent all his workers home early because they were on hourly wages.

Naveen was already on his bike to pick up his wife home.

The husband earlier was waiting outside a bakery for the woman to pick up a cake which had not been packaged yet because the girl who was supposed to do it had broken up with her boyfriend the night before, and forgot. When the cake was packaged, the woman was back in the car, which was blocked by a delivery truck.

All the while Naveen was driving.

Then the delivery truck pulled away and the couple in the car was able to move. While Naveen, the last to queue up behind some motorcycles at the traffic light, waited patiently for the bike in front to restart its engine when it suddenly died off during the wait for the green light.

Nearby was the couple approaching the traffic light as Naveen finally moved along.

And if only one thing had happened differently, if the bike's engine had not died off; or that delivery truck had moved moments earlier; or that cake had been packaged and ready because the girl had not broken up with her boyfriend; or the new man on the job had ensured the workers had enough work to go by; or the boy had set his alarm and got up 15 minutes earlier; or the husband had not decided to change cars; or that woman had remembered her basket and locked the gate faster; Naveen would have crossed the street and the couple would have driven by.

But life being what it is - a series of intercepting lives and incidents out of anyone's control. The couple did not go by and the husband was momentarily distracted as Naveen unknowingly followed the bike in front across the street when the lights just turned red. And that couple hit Naveen.

He died on the way to the hospital but his wife was informed that he was in a critical condition at the hospital. Close family members withheld the truth until she was safely there for fear of her emotions affecting her judgment.

Naveen left behind a faithful wife - Prema, and four loving, and bright daughters with the youngest being six and the oldest at sixteen.

About a month ago, I discovered that a man's errors are his portals of discovery.

The Butterfly Effect

2009-03-22T04:15:00.012+08:00

Imagine a vast expanse of unequivocal plane and its pale and windswept seascape. Then envision a fragile layer of ice spanning across a large body of water superimposed onto this precarious panorama. With only the blustery breeze to buffet the amorphous surface of the ice and the wailing wind to warn the unwary of the approaching storm, the serenity of the surrounding is enthralling in its own right, evenhanded in an equilibrium environment.

Then picture the drop of an illusionary icicle with deadly precision and peril onto the arctic ice and spectate the instantaneous fissuring and rapid descruction of the entire view in one single sweep.

This is a glimpse of our Earth's current dire situation and its "promising" future if we maintain our present principles. Our current environment is like the thin layer of ice on a large lake. Left alone and preserved properly, it can withstand the forces of nature perpetually in its strong but brittle state. However, this arrangement is tenuous that all it takes is a small group of irresponsible people to continue leading the world in ignorance of the existing environmental issues to destroy it. Like the deadly icicle falling onto the thin ice. The damage perpetrated then will be permanent, irreversible and too late...where the ice on the lake is shattered and no more.

Now visualize the fading lushness of a vanishing oasis and its evaporating water basin surrounded by the putrefying carcasses of hopeful creatures seeking its lost reprieving riches. Then envisage a desolate desert beyond despair amidst the arid landscape of desiccating death translated onto this vicious vista. With only the coarse sand to contain further deciduous acts from the bleak backdrop and the loutish vultures roaming the skies for its precious prey, the barrenness is despondent in its deathly display.

Then consider the odds of a windfall of rain onto the lands below and observe the oasis transforming into a verdant vista overnight with tremedous life supporting capacity until the next draught cycle.

This is a glance into the possible state where we can bring our planet to if we change our attitude and tenets regarding environmental policies now and actually act on it. Consequently, all hope is not lost yet as our current environment is like the oasis in the middle of a desert. To revive it back into a sanctuary, all it takes is a lot of rain...just like how it takes the efforts of many a great people on this planet to come together and start making the change. Even then, that will not suffice as it is also about preserving and sustaining the environment once it is saved because the next draught is always around the corner.

It is a case where to destroy the world, it only takes a handful of people and little effort but to save it, you need the world to unite in a world-scale endeavour and then to galvanise and sustain this definitive dilution to preserve the planet thereafter.

The world is less than a week away from witnessing one such world-scale undertaking. It is prominently and aptly called Earth Hour - hailed as the biggest ever global movement, a vote for the future of planet Earth. Just hearing these two words gives me the notion that it has such a simple meaning to it yet so profound a result, requiring only a little effort from each of us all to create a chain reaction...a resolute renaissance of our environmental awareness to start heeding the cries of Earth Mother.

A little more than a week ago, Prince Charles of Wales issued a warning that the world has less than 100 months to act and save the planet from irreversible damage caused by climate change. He counseled that the need to tackle global warming is more urgent than ever, even in the face of global recession. He also urged us not to lose sight of the "bigger picture".

Our local 8TV station has been actively creating this awareness amongst the populace and spearheading the Earth Hour movement locally. One of the station's strongest message sent out so far, besides the advertisements and celebrity endorsements, is that it will cease its transmission from 8.30pm to 9.30pm (during primetime) on the 28th of March, 2009 in conjunction with Earth Hour. Also, for the entire month of March 2009, it will air one hour less of transmission daily to support this movement. Apart from that, two major landmarks in our nation has been cited to switch off its lights during Earth Hour - the KL Tower and the Penang Bridge.

Mankind are narcissistic by nature and we can continuously live in careless complacency indefinitely as long as it does not affect us. But when it does, we start to panic and figure out how to act. More often than not, it will then be too late. This does not mean we are ignorant creatures that will never change. When pushed to the edge, we cling onto the cliff for our dear lives. When stripped off of our possession, we feel the loss and yearn for the familiarity again. At the precipice, we change...

This is our time now, it is our precipice and time is still our ally. Most of us do not realize that if we continue on with our old habits, no matter how small or insignificant it is like the wasteful use of water, electricity or paper and littering, all this contribute to the subtle but impactful deterioration of our environment.

This is called the Butterfly Effect where small variations of the initial condition of a dynamical system may produce large variations in the long term behaviour of the system.

However, imagine what can also be achieved if we start to ensure we save that little bit more of water or paper everyday or do a little bit of recycling weekly. When you explode the efforts of billions of people, you observe the impact on the world at a scale of epic and profound proportions. All it takes is only a little from you. Nothing more. That is what Earth Hour symbolizes.

I can only do my part and express my views here in hopes of inspiring others to share my opinions and spread their beliefs to others because our generation is the deciding dynamic...the DETERMINANTS of our future where our descendents will look back in time and judge us for what we did today. It is as simple as that. We are the ones, not our parents...but WE.

So let me return to the beginning and reaffirm that if the ice is left in its own fragile state without outside interference, it will remain stable and long-lasting but introduce a new variable into the environmental equation - the icicle, no matter how small or insignificant it is...and it will destroy the balance within and shatter the ice shelf forever.

It is up to us to create our very own butterfly effect of our generation for good, or for worse for it has been said that something as small as the flutter of a butterfly's wing can ultimately cause a typhoon halfway around the world.

The Flickering Millstone

2009-03-17T19:52:00.015+08:00

Subatomic particles flicker in and out of existence depending on whether I am watching them or not.

~Everyday Immortality / Deepak Chopra~

Living today was like tiptoeing along the insipidly thin cord of rickety nature. The diaphanous makeup of the rope which I gaited on was perilous and tenuous indeed. It felt like I was languidly skimming through twines of fallacious caricatures with a pensive mood as my only companion.

It was a day when I realized even the most majestic and mightiest of arial predators can easily become the most prominent of preys for the land marauders simply for being too prevailing in its firmamental ecology. Even the swiftest and lithest of eagles get shot down by credulous hunters for flaunting its guile conceitedly.

I never would have thought I was capable of such a ludicrous mistake. It was because of my ingenuous imprudence that led to the disappointment and inconvenience of others. My oversight in my work today dashed the sanguine optimism of an individual. The most anguished part of all was that I already received the gratitude and appreciation before all hell broke lose.

Time is what I hope to transpose. Its antithesis being that of a defaulted day. But I realized the seeds of the inevitable fault was already sowed a few weeks back and there was nothing I could have done today that would have reversed the inexorable. It was preordained that the yield of prejudice would have indiscriminately sprouted from the ground of self-reproach today. My terra firma of culpable disposition.

As I drove back torpidly in my insidious indolence, I mollified myself in my own existence of placating flashbacks. This was when I discerned the fathomable flickering of my proverbial surroundings. I recalled that I am but only one of the many millions of playing pieces in the boardgame of comtemporary musing that we all have come to know as Life.

What happened to me today was a direct result of the infinitesimal undertakings in my life. When I saw this rapport between today's events and the people surrounding my proverbial environment, the affinity harnessed could not be more edifying and humbling. I could then relate to the didactic individual involved who was disappointed and realized that even subatomic particles of immaterial things are made up of atoms anyway whether it is static, in motion...or flickering.

I will not muse on this issue further after tonight because Life has a very cynical face to it - when I am not looking or seaching or yearning, it rewards me in the most unsuspecting way; when I deliberately seek and crave for an elucidation, it mocks me in the most comtemptous manner. Hence this existence that I have created for myself and the people that I work with while silently perceiving the millstones of my experience.

I will continue to remind myself that an error only becomes a mistake when it is repeated.

Our Legacy

2009-03-15T19:12:00.009+08:00

A mother's touch is what breathes life into this world...

It is merely a feel, yet its effects are felt throughout the lifetime of a baby. It is so fragile, yet its nurturing power can smother the greatest fears a baby can face. It is sturdily delicate, yet its tender fostering is the only incalculable force in the world that can mold a life form into a toddler, an adolescent, a teenager and finally into an adult from the humble creation of a baby. This single inimitable feat cannot be replicated on any other known existing creatures or materials, natural or otherwise.

From this, a child of innate providence in its cocooned state of undeveloped individuality will come into being and into our lives. It is then that we realize how frail and forlorn this world was before their existence. The loneliness within that knew everything we kept inside is then dispelled away from our hearts.

Arising from the embers of loneliness, our hearts, minds and souls converge into a state of awareness knowing that what was before is not the same when realizing that the love of our lives, the love that we need, the love of our dreams and the love that we want ultimately come from the same source. The babies of today...our children of tomorrow...the hope for the future.

Therefore, we must cherish and care for our children to the very limit of our abilities and the best of our potential. They are the legacy of our birthright and if not cared for adequately, our heritage in this world would have been wasted down the age.

When you gaze upon the tiny frame of a baby, you are looking at the person that will inherit your affluence to live in your future and shape it for the next generation.

When you stare at the bulging sole of a baby, you are looking at the filial legs of your progeny who will carry you on in your twilight years.

When you watch the flimsy fingers of a baby, you are looking at the hands that will feed the world of tomorrow.

When you glance at the soft and undeveloped ears of a baby, you are looking at a listener who will heed the call of familial devotion.

When you glimpse the tender pink lips of a baby, you are envisioning the voice that will be the first words, laughters, cries and loving utterances, the source of your all-encompassing happiness.

When you perceive the wistfully dreamy eyes of a baby, you are looking into the soul of your own essence that completes you finally...and that is when you know that you have all the strength in the world to do whatever for him or her.

It is when you realize that this very being you will raise and nurture and eventually learn to love with all the fibre in your soul, will one day give you their every ounce of unending warmth and devoted affection. From there, you will finally understand what it means to love unconditonally no matter what because our babies are actually the reflection of our life. How well we lived ours will be played back in theirs. It is what pushes us on each day in our life in the pursuit of happiness. It is our legacy.

When we finally do pass on, we can tell God that during my time on earth, I learned that being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.

Dear Malaysian Politicians

2009-03-14T11:57:00.006+08:00

Dear Malaysian Politicians,

Please stop the power chase, call for a truce and focus on the economy.

I do not claim to speak on behalf of all Malaysians, but I have strong convictions that many share my sentiments.

Our concern today is not who rules the country or heads the state government but the looming bad economy.

Whether Barisan Nasional or Pakatan Rakyat leads, it is meaningless if Malaysians have no job to go to, no money to pay rent and no means to put food on the table.

I am a business owner, like other business owners and managers of corporations I have responsibility to ensure people under my care and payroll continue to have jobs and a decent income to take home. We work hard and willling to go the extra mile to make sure our nation only survive this crisis but come out stronger and wiser. We need your help.

Let me explain. I am in the business of Training, Development and Consultancy and have 20 people in my team.

Saedah is 42. She keeps the office clean and helps organise the training rooms. She has four children and her husband is unemployed. She was first hired on a part time basis, because she is very hard working and has a great attitude, we offered her a full time job to help provide a stable income for her family. Even then, when her third child started school this year, it was a struggle for her to buy new school uniforms and other necessities. Saedah lives on a 'kais bulan, makan bulan' basis, so, if she is jobless, her tap runs dry.

Samsuri is 27 years old. He lives with his sister and her family in a low cost government flat in Sunway. He does our despatch, helps with various clerical works and occasionally acts as a driver. During the first week at zubedy, we learned that he not only did not have money to buy new clothes and shoes for work, he had no money for lunch. Like Saedah, if has has no job, his tap runs dry too.

Alicia in Client Servicing turns 26 this year. She lives with her dad who is 71 years old and retired. Her mom passesd away when she waas little. Alicia is a hard-working team member, has a gentle caring outlook and fun to be with. (We like to poke fun at her as she blushes easily). Last May her dad went through a major operation, thank God he has recovered well. Alicia needs a job, both for herself and her dad.

Sudesh, 38, is one of our facilitators. When his father passed away last year, he moved back and lives with his mother in Seremban. He shuttles between Kuala Lumpur and Seremban daily, leaving home sometimes as early as 4 in the morning and returning late at night. He is no stranger to hard work and sacrifice, he knows what he needs to do to survive and to care for his mother, but he too needs a job.

Like fellow Malaysians, every one of us in zubedy needs employment, those that live from hand to mouth like Saedah and Samsuri and others like Alicia and Sudesh with family to care for. We Malaysians need the Malaysian economy to be strong. We need you, our leaders, to work hard and to work together to make our economy viable.

So this is my plea.

Pakatan Rakyat, please stop your attempts to take over the federal government and persuade BN's lawmakers to join you. Stop all legal proceedings, no more 916 and let go, just let go. The nation can wait till the next general elections if they want change. By doing so, Malaysians will see your party as caring, unselfish and gracious and give you their support in the next elections.

Barisan Nasional, please stop any attempts to take over PR states and win over PR's lawmakers. You have proven your point with Perak. The nation can wait for the next general elections if they want your party. Focus all your talent, energy and hard work in steering the country out of an economic downturn. By doing so, Malaysians will see your party as caring, unselfish and smart and give you their support in the next elections.

BN and PR! Call for a truce. Get together and compromise. Someone has to give in. Or has hate consumed your heart till it blinds you? You can do it. You have enough intelligent people between you. I am sure you can find solutions. Take the nation to heart. That is why you are in politics in the first place.

Focus on the people.

Focus on the economy.

Anas Zubedy
Managing Director
Zubedy (M) Sdn Bhd

Post credited to letusaddvalue.blogspot.com.

Let There Be Truce

2009-03-09T22:03:00.007+08:00

It has been a year since our nation's 12th General Elections. As with all things that we go thru in life, we reflect...just like how we reflect on our actions and consequences at the end of each day; how we recall the learning we gained throughout the years on each New Year's Eve; how we reminisce down the lane of token memories during the anniversaries of our birthdays or marriage; how we echo the thoughts, hopes and dreams of the people close to us; and how we replicate the achievements and recognitions of a successful company year during the annual business planning session.

But how do we evoke the sense of partisanship towards our nation, where patriotism and nationalism, like the ideology between a citizen and civilian, are now indistinct from the departed devotion of a drifting nation impelled by its directionless custodians and wardens?

I do not have the answer, and many do not. But I can try by mirroring the erudition of our nation's last General Elections that was the political tsunami then.

Let us begin by serving a slice of truth as starter where it is no secret that the National Front has no need for a celebration as they had the worst election ever in their history and justifiably so. The irony actually lies in the true hors d'oeuvre where the People's Alliance are actually finding it hard to celebrate anything, considering the fact that it was their best elections ever. Therein lies the satire of silent mockeries from a paradoxically-aware nation.

For the entree, I would like to think that the nation is still abundant with hopeful individuals of idealistic conviction or realistic fervor. One such implicit individual by the name of Anas Zubedy perpetrated an unthinkable but not so inconceivable act of voicing out the cry of the nation to our misguided and imprudent stewards.

On the 26th of February 2009, Zubedy sent a message to the entire nation in a full-page advert on The Star. In that page, he called for a two-year truce between the Front and the Alliance to accept the current status quo of the power equation and to stop all further power struggle. He highlighted two important things that both parties should concentrate on - our nation's economy and the strengthening of their respective internal team.

Two days later, our DPM acknowledged Zubedy's message with one of the key contents being the following:

"...his letter was not only fair, but clear in pointing out the real issues that we as a nation must focus on to move the country forward...I acknowledge your call for a united and effective front among us..."

The de facto leader of the Alliance has yet to officially respond but has indicated that some soul searching is needed by the party in light of the recent events.

Zubedy's message is significant to me because apart from touching on the issue that is close to my heart, his message was also conceived on my birthdate and published the next day nationwide. I take it as a gift from this realm where I was born into, at a timing so pertinent to reinvigorate my sense of citizenship and faltering faith in this country.

As we battle the tide of global economic recession and keep ourselves abreast with what little tolerance we have left for our nation's political seesaw, we must determine if we are to be citizens or civilians in this time of upheaval. A civilian is someone who is looked-after and taken care of during times of peril, a nation's resource, and a statistic. A citizen is someone who decides, chooses and acts in tumultous times, a nation's source, and a strength.

With the message now spreading, and with the spear tip of recession already penetrating our nation's economical epidermis, it does not take wisdom to see that Zubedy's calling, which echoes the calling of millions in this nation, is the sensible and sagacious one...that we should all band together and save our nation from the impending economical turmoil that has already consumed hundreds of thousands around the world, and millions more if the right actions are not put into place now and the right reactions not harvested from the field of repetitious rectitude. The Front and the Alliance, setting aside all differences and with all means necessary, must ensure that the nation survives through the ominous crisis with minimal pain.

In tandem with this, and resonating some of Zubedy's message, both parties should take this opportunity from the truce and spend time rebuilding their leadership team and the party as a whole. As the Federal government, the Front's caretaker need to look into building a solid, unyielding, honest and devoted team to lead the nation. The stalwart of the Alliance can start forming a shadow cabinet and reinforce their ranks. We need a true, formidable, and strong opposition party in this country if we are to slowly graduate into a two-party system - just like the Democrats and Republicans in the States. It is a win-win situation for everyone involved that carries the name of our nation in their passports.

It is high time we stop all these puny and petty internal squabbling. We must realize that these paltry tactical espionages and detestable politicking are becoming jokes of the nation if not already for the world.

If only these self-styled leaders could see that weak leaders try to win by weakening their enemies but great leaders win by strengthening their own ranks first.

Everyday Immortality (4)

2009-03-07T15:34:00.008+08:00

Subatomic particles are not material things; they are fluctuations of energy and information in a huge void.

As I gaze upon these words above, an instantaneous state of comprehension clasped the actuality of my existing psyche. I did not require any assistance to sort out the affirmation from my amorphous credence of nebulous hallucinatory. I could discern the very simplistic and one-dimensional words of friendship, hopes, dreams, and deceit.

In my preceding reflections of these quotes, I concluded that the make-up of immaterial things were progenies of a life's hopes, dreams and energy. Therefore, the people that we come into contact with are playing pieces in the boardgame of comtemporary musing. They make up for what we all call our daily proverbial surroundings...the milieu of infinitesimal undertakings in each of our respective lives.

Within this proverbial environment that we call our norm, we are relentlessly inundated by the deceitfulness of individuals that culminates up to the huge void within us all. Humans are creatures of habits and we live in incessant denial. If only we were feeble in this persistence...because an environment of fervent fraudulence is what embodies the huge empty space within us all. It is how we know that we are living in reality and not in some flight of the mind's eye.

It is such a coincidence that I am pondering on this quote from the aftermath of a very similar and relevant incident that occured yesterday.

I am thinking at the moment that the friendships I have made thus far in my life, and the people that I have known to date, are the source of my hopes and dreams. They fill me with energy. But they also surround me with deceit on occasions. These interrelate with each other to give me a grasp on my reality, knowing that I cannot have one without the other...it is called denial. With this knowledge from yesterday...this information, I am able to better endure, survive and exist in my sometimes unsympathetic ambiance moving forward...

The Unseen Truism

2009-02-26T20:46:00.006+08:00

It was like soul-surfing across a torrent and surging stream of rapture. It was like mind-drifting through the serene forest of intrepid serendipity. It was like heart-soaring into the vast open air of gratitude...and it was like judicious-rifting within the cauldron of bequeathing blessedness.

In the year where wavering permanence and erratic solidity have been constant eventualities so far, yesterday was the first day of the year to be remembered for me. It was euphorically unnerving to say the least and in simple words...I was happy.

As I mature over the years from my humble creation, the iridescent gemstones of promising amity grow ever more profuse inside my propitious pouch of cherished chums. These adventurously wild and mildly cultured people of my life will forever be kept close to my heart, their good deeds perpetually committed.

I was delighted to receive so many well-wishes and wondrous feelings from adored and beloved friends through all means of contact, across lands encompassing this world, through various moments of the day. It made me feel remembered and cared for, it made me feel treasured and cherished...and it made me feel important.

The Rays of perpetual brilliance once again flickered fleetingly in my life. In its wake, it left me with imprints of an alternative opportunity in life. The small but intensely bright spring of luminosity engulfed me in its brief pithy of fiery inferno only to be smoldered rapidly into a dead ball of earth. The restoration of the Ruins to its former glory is a question of choice, not circumstantial.

Then there was a brief respite of sailing across the reprieving sanctuary at the Sea of infinite reaches of likelihood. But things have changed now and with the new found serenity in this vastness of open waters, the quietude is soothing. The charts have been interpreted and the course plotted. The navigation of affable affinity is inevitable.

Standing resolute at the point where I left off, I still face the coming tides of impediment. Picking up the columns of dedication from the aftermath of the previous onslaught has helped me to better lead the procession from my Cavalcade. For in the lead caravan I found my last vestige of Conscience that is leading me back to idyllic reality. The pilgrimage persists on.

But of late, the Night of endless reveries have been filled with inconclusive endings. The constant haggle of honest proposals have garnered me valuable insights of questionable and moot Nuances. When these have been deciphered, I hope to conclude the omnipresent vacillating sentiments of understanding. It is during the Night that I am at my best, existing in its reflection of idealistic aptness. It is like art imitating life.

After an eternity in exultant jubilation, I thank God for the life that has been bestowed upon me yesterday from all these adages. Along this road I am walking now, I have begun to connect the dots as I look back and am always aware of where I am going forward...anticipating the path to tread next so that after living through it, I can filch another look back again to see how they all connect.

From my encounters yesterday through these gemstones I keep in my propitious pouch, I realized how forthcoming and effortless the waves of contentment can descend on me. It is then that it dawned upon me I must have been doing something right, and life is full of pleasant surprises.

I saw that the best things in life are unseen. That is why we close our eyes when we kiss, cry or dream.

Everyday Immortality (3)

2009-02-22T00:27:00.006+08:00

Atoms are composed of subatomic particles moving at lightning speeds through huge empty spaces.

I have been mulling over this statement for days now, ever since I first read it a little more than 3 days ago. The true meaning of these words somehow still evades me. I have yet to lurch onto that elusive state of epiphany when one finally discerns the truth from the ethereal mendacities and sieve the facts from the interminable verity.

Be that as it may, the notion of this narrative anecdote has its own share of shrewd contrive and incisive intrigue.

In my case, I am talking about people. The ones that are always there, the ones that are sometimes around, the ones that are sporadically appearing and disappearing in your life and the ones that you only come across once in your life by some upshot of providential fate.

Whatever the case, these casts of your own life where you are the main character, are the ones who will ultimately sing the songs of your existence's vivid chronicles. They are one of the foremost factors in life - defining who you really are.

It almost seemed as if it was like inserting the pertinent dowel of verve into the axle of triumphant brooding, and then steering the wheel cart of apposite fulfillment along the boulevard of renewed restitute.

The subsistence of this is that whoever we meet or keep along the way, we have to be wary. More often than not, every one has their own clandestine memo. It is up to us how we choose to filter the words uttered and exchanged that will consequently envelop us in the protective shield of probity.

I had to learn it the inconvenient and discomfited way. It is the nature of our environment that accelerates the prospect of social networking, camaraderie and mutual amity, that sometimes we forget to listen to our heart and be brave enough to walk away from pretentious and conceited individuals.

The epiphany engulfed me at last...the subatomic particles personify the individuals whom we come into contact with in our lives. They are all then typified by the atoms when they become an assemblage. Finally, the movement at lightning speeds epitomize the condition in which friendships are made, no matter how superficial or meaningful it is, in an environment of fervent fraudulence that can only be embodied by the huge empty space within us all...

Larger Than Faith

2009-02-17T22:11:00.009+08:00

In our daily reveries and nightly dreams we all aspire to great things. Yet most of us simply aren't creating the results we want. We always yearn for a little bit more of riches, triumph, anecdote and fable. Simply put, we do not have enough money, romance, success or joy in our lives. Why not? What is holding us back?

The common person could probably list at least three good reasons to attest why he or she cannot do whatever it is he or she really wants. But in the deepest recesses of our hearts, don't we really know that we could do it all, if only we were to heed the challange of timorous and immolate ourselves in the holy fire of provocative penitence? If only we dared?

Is it possible that the only main thing holding us back is fear? The answer is yes. It is fear that foils and thwarts us, stalemates us with an impasse, erodes away our self-worth and places imaginary cordon in our path. Fear keeps us from taking action, and if we do not act, we will never get beyond where we are now.

But our fears disappear when we confront them, evaporating away into oblivion by the warmth of virtuous rectitude. And once we take charge of ourselves by donning the armour of valour, we can have, do and be anything and everything we have ever dreamed of.

You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith.

Of Fear and Shadow

2009-02-16T23:53:00.010+08:00

"this is great...he is really making a difference..."

It was like a sudden hail of awareness. Many times in the past months I constantly found myself in the darkness. In those lonely moments, I recall the time when I first set my eyes on the mountain ahead, standing atop a plateau overlooking the valley below wherein it lies. I convinced myself of the mammoth but promising journey ahead and took my first step without looking back.

"...with him onboard, the right questions are asked..."

As I scaled down the cliff of the plateau, I could not help but stare down at the precipice below. It was when I realized that I've always had this small fear of height. Despite the vertigo, I descended on the thin line that was holding my weight and my ambition.

"...he is always seeking to get things done fast..."

As I hit the ground, I felt the sense of familiarity coming back to my feet. I moved forward ever closer to the mountain and prepared myself for the inevitable and perfidious climb. But as I near the foot of the mountain, a distant darkness etched onto the very fabric of the mountain itself loomed clearer. The tiny speck of darkness gradually grew into the opening of a tunnel. I found my deliverance at last. Or so I thought.

"...appreciate all the work he has been doing in the last couple of months..."

I stood at the mouth of the tunnel. In my mind, I was trying to discern if it was a cave instead. My mind did not matter then and as I gauged the depth and height of the unnatural warren, a speck of distant white light captured my attention. I saw the end of the tunnel. With my mind over the matter now, I journeyed into the maw of uncertainty and braved the treacherous dark path ahead.

"...I know it can be frustrating..."

Those times were long gone now. They are behind me and I have moved on, resolute and unswerving...only to find myself lost in the darkness now. With the beacon of light long gone when my intransigence took the better part of me, I ploughed forward aimlessly like a brave fool. I no longer know if I'm still in the same tunnel or in an immense void that has no bounds.

"...but hang in there..."

I felt a cold breeze. Soft but sure. Then came the hail of wind, the hail of awareness. I realized that to overcome the challenge of the mountain, the right way is not up and above it but down and below it. I smelled the fresh water in the darkness ahead and the trickling of water on stones. In an instant I could hear the distant rush of current nearby and found my liberation, the river of emancipation. I jumped right in and let the current write my fate.

"...we will resolve a lot of the problems he has..."

I emerged at the other side of the mountain at the top of a steep waterfall and plunged into the depths below. As the surface of the water neared, I found myself turning around one last time and looked at the majestic beauty of the mountain. Regal and stately in its own right. I smiled one last time and gave a silent prayer to its magnificence before submerging into the lake below.

"...don't work too late"

As I swam to the nearby shore, a sense of comprehension washed over me like holy water. I realize that I must have trusted in something. And that trust translated itself into unwavering faith for me. And that was it!

Never fear the shadows. They represent the light that is shining somewhere nearby.

Scapa Diabolice Evolutia

2009-02-16T14:17:00.005+08:00

The dragonfly’s name comes from an ancient Romanian folktale. The Devil turned a beautiful horse ridden by St. George into a giant, flying insect called the “Devil’s Horse”. Peasants viewed the Devil’s Horse as a giant fly and started referring to it as the “Devil’s Fly”. The Romanian word for devil was “drac”, which was also the word for dragon. Devil’s Fly was erroneously translated to the English Dragon Fly which evolved into “Dragonfly”.

Everyday Immortality (2)

2009-02-14T03:08:00.007+08:00

All material things are made up of atoms.

It is true that from a scientific and logical point of view, all materials in this universe are made up of atoms. Each particle of iota merging together into substances of molecules that are part of a larger constituent of matter that fuses with other particles from the surrounding elements.

To me, it simply means that whatever endeavours we go thru in life, any experiences we encounter while growing, or simply a problem that we have to unravel are all made up of dimunitive components of circumstances.

Nothing we face in our everyday life is impossible to weather past. Every problem has many causes and not just one cause. We must learn to see a situation or a problem or an experience as a constituent of many atoms. There are reasons for all of these. It is simply cause...and effect.

When we can see a problem for what it really is, we have to then take things one at a time, every moment of every day. It is from this realization that we decide how best to proceed next.

We often comfort ourselves with the fact that sometimes we have to learn things the hard way in order to grow, to become stronger and be the wiser. I say we all have choices and when we concede that we have to learn it this way or that way, we are surrendering to the fact that we are forced to do so. In truth, we are the determinants of the difficulty level in how we learn things. How easy or hard it is, is really up to us ultimately.

So if these are the make-up to all material things, what then of immaterial things?

Immaterial things are irrelevant.
They are unimportant and of no consequence.
They are beside the point, neither here nor there.
It makes no difference and it doesn't matter.

But immaterial in life is who we are.
It is ethereal, it is elusive.
Its vagueness are subtle.
It is all intangible but it is our mark.

All immaterial things are made up of a life's hopes and dreams and energy.

Under St. 00d

2009-02-12T19:36:00.020+08:00

I only recently realize how abstract most of my entries have become. It was never my intention to perplex anyone. Though I must admit that bamboozling a few people around does give me some kick. Jokes aside.

Several people approached me and queried as to why I couldn't be more direct in what I wanted to say? My standard reply would be because I have to be sensitive to others. The stuff that I write about concerns real people in real life who may very well stumble upon this "secret plateau".

"Then why do you write if you're afraid others might find out the real meaning of your writings", they usually ask after that. My customary response would be because I need to let it out of me as I hate keeping things inside me. I love writing too and it is a form of relaxation for me, to reflect on things in life, to mirror it, to look at it from various perspectives and when that isn't enough, I reflect further.

Just when I thought I've satiated their curiosity, they'd go and ask me "In that case, why don't you just write privately or have some personal diary? That way you can write all you want without censorship and still feel satisfied from the fulfillment of writing?". My next routine retort would be because somehow I feel the need to share, so that people will challenge my thinking, my limits and my perspectives. I like to be pushed as it makes me feel alive. It is very interesting to me when someone comes and offers a totally different set of opinions and experiences from the same exact sentences that I derived my experiences from.

"Then why do you want to write in such confusing manner that is so hard to understand what you're talking about more than half the time?". This is where plates and saucers, steel knifes and forks started flying around. Right. Please read the following paragraph for my regular answer:

It is because I write for myself ultimately. Shit happens to everybody everyday. Happiness falls upon unsuspecting individuals as often as the rain would fall from the sky. It is how I pen these life experiences down into words that will give me a perspective on what, how and why these life incidents happened to me. It is for me to one day, and regularly, read back on these entries to remind myself of what happened and how I saw it at that point of time. And if I still am of the same opinion, it means I haven't change, it means the situation hasn't change, it means nothing can be changed or it means the change has yet to come.

If I were too obvious in what I wrote, pinpointing down to the details of the names and the places and the events, I would lose one very important thing. That would be the lesson learned from these incidents. Over time, the nature of the events that took place, or the details of it would matter very little. It is the essence of what happened, and how I pen it down in the language that people call it Confusing, that will remind me of what I lost or gained, given or received, loved or hated, triumphed or failed and learned or passed on.

Come to think of it I don't write to be understood, I write so I won't be misunderstood.

Wasted Faith

2009-02-10T02:02:00.007+08:00

I am just so very disappointed with someone right now. The feeling is immense and overwhelming. But I learned my folly and will tread wisely from here on. Maybe I assumed wrongly, but after all that is said and done, I know I am at least half-correct and that in itself, is statement enough of my stupidity and oversight, justification enough for my feelings.

To wish you were someone else is to waste the person that you are.

Everyday Immortality (1)

2009-02-09T19:53:00.006+08:00

The material universe and the physical body that I experience through my senses are only one aspect of reality.

I think this statement is factual. Just like how the different facets of a diamond give off different coloured perspectives when viewed from different angles, so does all the different facades of veracity will give the beholder varying perceptions on his experiences.

To me, experiencing reality is not only about the corporeal aspect of it, it is also very much to do with the spiritual and intellectual part of it.

Not so long ago, I concluded that an aspect of reality very much related to the spiritual facet is only an illusion caused by the temporary absence of reality. A friend debated this with me on the contrary and I held my ground. Seeing this now, I think I was wrong as when reality is absent in your experiences, there is no way you can live through all the aspects of it, be it an illusion or otherwise.

They are all spokes on the same wheel.

Finite Disappointments

2009-01-25T10:12:00.005+08:00

A beaver’s skill in building a dam is only as good as the tree parts that are used to construct it. The flair that comes with its innate skill is only matched by the propensity flaunted to attain the finesse in which the twigs, the branches and the stems can offer.

This was how I perceived the interaction between the participants when I attended my company’s Regional Demand Summit held in Singapore a few days ago. The water embodies the market where we work in. The twigs personify our regional counterparts. The beaver exemplifies us, the demand planners.

It was my first business trip with the company and I was extremely excited and motivated, but not before skirting precariously on the edge of disenchantment. It was a huge step in strengthening our relations. I never would have imagined that meeting all these individuals could really augment our collaboration to new heights. The mere act of just setting the faces to the many names, e-mails and voices that I have been working with for the last year can truly propel our bond with each other by leaps and bounds.

Furthered by the fact that the last summit was held 7 years ago, it was high time the regional office thought it proper to assemble all the demand planners collectively under one roof to align on new regional objectives, leverage on best practices and devise innovative solutions to improve performance. With a new futurist avant-garde at the nexus of the regional vessel, it was inevitable this summit ensued.

Underlining all these, there were a few events which occurred that I will deem as sweet memories…

Suffice to say that I was privileged to have the acquaintance of someone of high import. The circumstances that we interacted in and the revelation I acquired of the nature to his query of me was truly a sycophantic adulation indeed.

In a separate incident, I learned that what goes around will eventually come around. It was folly of me to even consider losing hope and succumbing to the song of the sirens. No good work will go unnoticed or unrewarded. It was truly gratifying when I learned something sanguinely insightful of myself through the custodian of my providential fate from a provincial comrade.

Be that as it may, I am convinced now I have found the answer to the question of my verdict not so long ago when I exchanged my sword for a rapier.

Ultimately, as a human life in verity, we must accept finite disappointment but never lose infinite hope.

The Absence of Reality

2009-01-21T01:33:00.013+08:00

I learned a lot about myself in the last week. I realized that somehow I may need to compromise my nature in order to better coalesce with my contiguous environment. Sometimes, it is these innocent adages expressed by sympathetic souls and their solicitous ideals that lend to my self-imposed reflection. It is not a path I wish to tread but it is also not a path I can afford to stride through. Sometimes we trample on the path we chose to walk, only to comprehend that the path now left behind is secreted from the next hiker.

At first I was contented in jubilant reverie. Later, I realized it was all ephemeral. The fleeting rickety of my familiar persona was nullified into oblivion. The void of my abysmal emptiness has left me with a smear. The blemish is now irrepressible. I can choose to let it steer my ship's course as that would seem the wiser choice or I can dictate the consequences of these imparted adages to affix a sense of worth into my moral fiber.

In another contemporaneous reality, I discovered a revelation. The Rays of perpetual brilliance has been glittered down to only a glancing glint. What was formerly a luminous and radiant beacon of latent amity is now only an ordinary flicker. The Rays have become the Ruins of a crumbling foundation of familiarity. I have seen what the long years will do to it and can only regret when I've trespassed this sanctuary. These Ruins will fade in time and become only a footnote in the annals of history for departed devotion.

I now look to the near horizon. Into the crashing waves from the Sea of infinite reaches of likelihood. The Sea will provide the breeze that I need to weather the searing heat predicted in the days ahead. This Sea will also bring forth the Sand that will become the foundation to my feet, to soften when I'm laden with burden, to harden when I dash for the victory lap, and to caress with its coarseness when I need my scars to be smoothed.

Most importantly, I look to my Cavalcade for the definitive answer. I am still learning how to lead this procession because as of late, the columns of dedication have been faltering but I stand resolute at the point. I will not yield in the face of expected impediment, like all other pilgrimages. For inside the lead caravan lies my only hope of Conscience that will lead me back to idyllic reality.

In the months ahead, I have to constantly remind myself that happiness is just an illusion caused by the temporary absence of reality.

Being Alive

2009-01-16T00:39:00.007+08:00

It has been almost a week since I experienced one of the most enlivening and gripping trips with a bunch of people in a long time. It still feels like the escapade only ended yesterday. The Sales & Marketing Company Conference was truly a magnificent jaunt. It was held at a land which I've visited thrice in a short space of 12 months...none other than the land below the wind, Sabah.

It was gratifying. The Conference exemplifies the very quintessence of mind and body revitalization. The abstract was a good year where we achieved all our major company objectives and performed above expectations. All these thanks to the great aspirations held by all who were involved.

It was edifying. While taking in the pleasures of the surrounding, we celebrated the 50th Anniversary of the Johnson's Baby No More Tears formula and brand. I learned that the eyes of a baby are the last senses to develop after birth. They have delayed "blink" response and are less able to protect their eyes from splashes and products. An infant's vision is nearsighted and is most developed at the periphery.

It was exhilarating. The activities laid out were so full of fun and excitement that I could hardly pause. I would have never imagined myself doing some of the things I did. Somehow, certain things were fated and all the trepidation was unfounded in the end. I even surprised myself and when it was over, I couldn't be more spirited than I allowed myself. Many others surprised me too.

It was invigorating. I love beaches and relish at the opportunity of basking in one whenever I can. The physical activities that came with it was also to my liking. Everything that was planned fell right into my very own puzzle of contentment. The energy harnessed from all these will provide me with enough supply of zeal and ardour for a considerable length of time.

Most important of all was the fostering of absolute amity. I learned more about the people in that 3 days than all the last 10 months put together since joining the team. I met many acquaintances and am able to put faces to the many names now whom I've been communicating with via electronic means for the last 10 months. I made many friends whom I feel are all a great bunch of colourful characters. Most valuable of all is that in this sea of precious stones, I discovered a few gems. These gems personifies the people that I will hold dear in my heart for a very long time. My only regret is not finding these gems earlier.

When all was said and done, I could only look forward to the next trip with these bunch of great characters. This episode of my life has really made me feel alive and I know its verve has changed me. My outlook on certain things have expanded and encompasses a greater deal of points in my board of fate threads.

It has revealed another part of myself, another card unfolded from my deck of intrepid disposition. Several incidents will form snapshots of assiduous lassitude and precariousness. The inertial upshot of the consequential horizon and ensuing probabilities may have far-reaching corollary. This is my choice.

I don't believe we are all looking for the meaning of life as much as looking for the experience of being alive.

Dancing In The Rain

2009-01-04T16:12:00.014+08:00

That's all, 2008...hello there, 2009! How diminutive this statement is, yet its nuance so profound. To abridge the last 12 months of living, endeavours, disappointments, attainment, discontent, realization, angst and triumph into two (3) words: that's all - is such an understatement in bringing forward these cultured mementos into the new year.

Be that as it may, 2009 will indeed be a tumultuous and volatile affair indeed. Its very capricious nature will be true tests to all individuals, families, companies, corporations, governments and nations alike.

As a person, a citizen or an individual, how much do we know of the global economy today? Some will claim to know it all and rightly so, but others couldn't care less and that's where the danger lies. You have to plan right to make things happen for yourself. The world will not be so merciful in the many months ahead.

The face of global economy as we see it is changing. It is morphing into an unstoppable and cruel entity. It is currently in its state of sub-prime crisis. Banking illiquidity is sprouting everywhere. Falling asset prices are their best friends. The market volatility is sweeping across the continents and the tide of recession is already hitting major economies worldwide. High food prices is one of the major symptom and shaken consumer confidence one of the main reaction. Then there is of course the mounting of unemployment or underemployment. Headcount chop or headcount freeze if you're fortunate. Growth in nucleic economies and its dependent subsets are slowing down.

When I try to make sense of our economy in the next 12 months, here is what I thought:
It could be worse.
It is a game of survival.
Cash is king.
Delayed consumer spending.

To manage the hard times ahead, you have to switch your thinking cap from a micro view to a macro outlook. You have to think big. Ask yourself this: if you were an Executive Committee, the crème de la crème in your company, what would your top 3 priorities in managing the business in the next 12 months be?

I think you have to understand the bottomline and protect it. 2009 is not the year to grow the business, it is the year to protect the business. Protect the MNI. With lower A&P for most companies in 2009, they have to manage the SG&A. It is just not affordable to throw away the GP and spend on A&P. Cost cutting is another infamous method but just for the sake of being politically correct, we will call it optimized spending here. Selective investment is another way but can only be accomplished with the utmost discipline. Increasing productivity, not just in the sense of output from a factory but also in terms of work contribution is a key strategy. Less for more. Finally, the acquisition of company is a sure bet. You will see in the months ahead there will be major takeovers or merges worldwide. Cash is king and don't be surprised that an unknown royal in Eastern Europe, a sheikh from the Middle East or a multi-billionaire businessman from China suddenly buys over Citibank. Let's not go down the list of possibilities.

I do want to highlight that the electronic and electrical industry will be the first indication to be hit. When you have less money, luxury wants are the first to go from your shopping list. 45% of an individual's wants consist of electronic/electrical items alone. That says a lot.

Many people among us still believe we are immune to this global threat. Our nation's leaders claim that we will not be affected. I am unconvinced. In Q3 2008, our country's net real export of goods and services declined by 14% (vs. 20% growth in Q2). The Consumer Price Index soared to 8.4% in Q3 (vs. 4.8% in Q2), with a backdrop of GDP slowing down to between 4.5% and 5.0% by 2008 closing. For your info, our country's GDP is valued at approximately USD200 billion.

According to FMM (Federation of Malaysian Manufacturers), 4 straight quarter year-on-year decline in orders are to be expected in 2009. Last October, exports slid for the first time in 15 months. The numbers have been dipping since.

The chart above shows our GDP growth in 2007. Take a look at our 2008 GDP growth below:

This is a great example where two pictures paint a thousand words. The steep decline in our GDP within the last few months is staggering. Our government's GDP projection of 2009 closing is only at a 3.5% growth, mainly coming from their RM7 billion spending on infrastructure for 2009.

For the last 5 years, our nation has been experiencing a double digit spending growth vs. year-on-year until last October. For the first time in 5 years, our spending growth was flat and in November, it was negative. These are all signs of things to come. You may still see families flocking to shopping malls as though the global economic crisis never happened. That is because it is festive season now with Chinese New Year coming. Once that has passed, I will be very curious indeed to see what the latest numbers are.

We cannot continue to live our life thinking this nation is protected. We are the Top 30 trading countries in the world. Therefore, we cannot make stupid statements saying that although other key world economies are declaring recession, we will make it through the year without one.

In short, 2009 will not be business as usual. We have to make focused choices to maintain a healthy business and a sustainable livelihood.

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.

Standing Still

2008-12-27T01:18:00.021+08:00

It's been awhile since a movie can surprise me and watching how The Earth Stood Still today did just that tonight. The irony of watching an environmental themed movie at The Gardens? Priceless.

For starters, almost everybody in the world who's seen this movie are giving it a bad review. Rightly so:

1) Bad writing

2) Poor acting from the stars

3) Choppy flow

4) Weak continuity

5) Weak chemistry between actors

6) The final scene depiction of the "standing still" time lacked impact

Do I really care? No. There're too many movies being made lately for the sake of cashflow, publicity to launch an actor's career, bad propaganda, politics, and the list just goes on. But I had a good feeling about this movie tonight. I think Scott Derrickson and his team did a good job to deliver the theme to the world that is too arrogant to care.

If the Earth dies, you die. If the human race dies, the Earth survives.

Can you dispute this statement? I can't. If you've seen An Inconvenient Truth, you'd get my meaning. We are just too complacent. We are just too ignorant. We will not care until we feel the threat itself.

I think the movie is about a message to the audience. When David Scarpa wrote the screenplay, he didn't have any Oscar in mind. I think he's a believer of Earth, and Derrickson his disciple. Both wanted to remind the human race that we are very fragile and if we don't stand still and start realizing, we will never change. So what better way to get the message through than using the most powerful tool in the world? Media. Movie. The Silver Screen.

The scene that captivated me the most was the one at Professor Barnhardt's house. I will try my best to re-construct the conversation that took place to the best of my memory:

Barnhardt: You have to give us a chance, we will change.

Klaatu: The decision is made. It is too late.

Helen: You gotta give us a chance.

Klaatu: We have, for a very long time now.

Barnhardt: You just have to give us more time. At the brink of destruction, at the edge of existence, only will we change...tell me, how did you get to where you are?

Klaatu: Our circumstances were different. Our sun was dying. We had to evolve.

Barnhardt: Exactly. You were at the precipice. Therefore, you changed. We are at ours now, do not take that chance away from us. We will change. Give us the time.

Klaatu: [stares at Helen] Your professor is right. At the precipice, we change.

There is your revelation. I realized that in almost everything we do daily, we tend to stick to our norms. Rarely do we really sit back, sit still and reflect on our actions and consequences. We simply do not have the will, as a human race. But when pushed to the edge and tested, we will overcome. When taunted, we will rise. When we reach our "precipice", we change.

Klaatu: I will try to stop it. But it will change things around here forever.

Klaatu's words just before he activated The Sphere and disabled the mechanical bugs and just about everything that is machine or electronic on Earth. That's when you get your the world stood still climax scene. I thought it was beautifully done. I was beginning to wonder how does the title relate to the movie. Well, save the best for last.

I'm not saying this is a really good movie. I'm just saying that this movie isn't that bad until it deserves getting criticized by almost everybody who's seen it. You're missing the point. Then again, who really cares?

By the way, this movie is a remake of Edmund H. North's 1951 screenplay. It was based on a nuclear destruction theme. During that time, nuclear threat was the world's most visible threat. As you can see 5 decades on, we have changed. WE are the biggest and most visible threat to the world now. Hence, the environmental theme. Isn't that relevant? But no, movie critiques had to shoot Derrickson and his team down for changing the theme. Please see the irony he's trying to communicate to us.

I believe we have to start asking ourselves serious questions about our way of life. It may be hard. It may be over-reaction. But isn't it inevitable? Will we allow ourselves to be the fore-fathers of our children and children's childrens' sufferings? Have we been standing still and idling? What's stopping us from acting now, little by little? When will we reach our respective precipices? When I do, will I act?

I challange you all to act. Most of you will fail.

Of Saucers, Pencils and Shots

2008-12-22T22:03:00.003+08:00

This year's Operations Annual Conference was a totally different experience for me. I did not have to organize it. I did not have to worry about everything and prepare for all possible scenarios and come up with BCPs. I did not have to work harder than I should be playing. I did not miss out all the fun team-building and bonding activities. I did not have to worry if someone is missing or the agenda is off-track. I did not have to ensure everybody is happy, as long as I am. I did not have to be the last to leave and made sure the place we left behind was in order. I did not have to worry if I could wake up the next day as long as I enjoyed the night before and went crazy.

The business portion of the trip was absolutely cracking. The involvement was twice much more than last year. The time-keeping was impeccably spot on. The senior leaders worked very hard on the workshop pre-work. They were flawless in executing the Conference's agenda and for that, the meeting ended on time and earlier than last year. We had more fun and time enjoying and playing this year than last year. Maybe it is just me feeling the huge difference.

There were great learnings. There were interesting observations. Plans went awry but nothing that is ever planned is perfect. We just have to pat ourselves in the back, close one eye if others didn't realize and rectify it internally. I was caught off-guard and given a surprise and I'm glad I managed to overcome the occasion and expectation and for that, I've learned and become wiser. I'm thankful for the opportunity given, the trust bestowed and the experience gained.

I saw some things that I knew would come sooner or later but didn't expect it to be so soon. But at the same time, I learned more about them all than I ever did in the last 12 months put together. I discovered what it takes to be there, to walk that path and to sustain the route taken.

Summary:

I learned that wisdom is earned, not given.

I realized that wise men speak because they have something to say and fools speak because they have to say something.

I recognized that I never worry about the height of things to come, only the width.

And finally...

I discerned that if age imparted wisdom, then there wouldn't be any old fools.

Sayings

2008-12-18T09:40:00.016+08:00

Yesterday I learned that:

When life knocks you down to your knees, it is the perfect position to pray

Thank you for showing me the way and asking me questions that made me see clearer.

Stead of Virtue

2008-12-12T14:49:00.006+08:00

God gave us friends for a reason.

It is not something seasonal, it is tangible.

They are the siblings I never have.

Among the reasons I treasure most is the fact how these special people in my life will often guide me back onto the true path when I go astray in actions, words, thoughts and spirit.

They act as a funnel to my improbabilities.

They become the filter to my naivete.

They are my life buoy when I drown in the ocean of self disparagements.

It's their honesty that captivates me.

It's their loyalty that enthralls me.

It's their candor that reminds me.

It's their sincerity that ensnares me.

I am adjudicator to nothing save my own ineptness. The stead of virtue is the inaction of denunciation itself. For this I am grateful to God that I was humbled.

Embers of Faith

2008-12-08T22:54:00.009+08:00

It feels like nothing as you are ingenuously unimportant.

It feels like empowerment.

You share with them your point of view and tell them it is for them to decide.

It feels like perfidy, forsaken on a derelict starship in the coldness of the cosmos.

You start to envisage what would have been expressed; the possible and alternate ending.

When all your hopes and dreams are shattered with a double-edged word.

You start by realizing that your reality is very much discernible from truth than it is distorted.

By first writing the lyrics of compassion.

By trumping the temptation card.

It is like having penitence for breakfast, knowing you will not get atonement for dinner later.

Up above where I know the Lord will hear all my prayers.

It feels like lying to my soul.

When you feel the subtle sharp prod in your heart.

It feels like mocking the other in a satirically jesting demeanor.

Belief, religion, upbringing and a proving ground.

When hypocrisy dictates the better part of you.

It feels like tranquility...it takes everything you're made of...you look to yourself...when the candlewick of devotion is all but burnt...

I realized that having only the conclusion to my questions in trial did not suffice enough to placate my anxious soul. It did not garner me the intended closure I wished to seek. Thus, I forced myself to think deep these last few nights. Now, these answers harvested from my forced reflection has endowed me with greater clarity on how best to tread next. In time, I will learn how to flame the embers of faith from the ashes of departed devotion...

An Inconvenient Apology

2008-12-05T11:08:00.002+08:00

How does it feel when you are indifferent?
How does it feel when you are callous?
What do you do when someone is ignorant?
How does it feel when you are left out cold?
What do you see when all you see is an empty screen?
How do you know when you are being stood up?
How can you learn if you can’t realize?
How must we sing the songs of forgiveness?
What other ways can you play the friendship card?
How does it feel when guilt has been served?
Where do you look when all you want to see is forward?
How does it feel when you look the other way in denial?
How do you know you have wronged someone?
How does it feel to patronize a friend?
What does it take to seek acknowledgement and responsibility?
When do you decide to play along in silent mockery?

How does it feel…what does it take…where do you look…when do you decide…?

Questions that kept flashing through my mind these last few days in snapshots of perpetuity and anonymity. I had no answers for these questions in trial. I searched deep within the recesses of my heart, I found no conclusion…till last night. Closure is what I seek to reminisce, to be at peace. When all was said and done, I could finally see that it was an inconvenient apology served…

Fart-what?!

2008-12-01T23:27:00.005+08:00

It's a marvel that our country never fail to enthrall the condescending attention of contemptuous cynics from overseas. How do we always never fail to zip in on paltry and trifling concerns while the entire nation and the world is beleaguered with issues of immense proportions? It is sad to see that our Administration and its league of hypocritical and duplicitous Confederates live in their own tiny little world, chasing their own tails around on a daily basis.

The Muslim community is being restricted and suppressed as each day passes by. Not by the Chinese, or the Indians, or the Jews, or the Christians. But by their fellow Muslims/Malays themselves.

After the fatwa prohibition of yoga, the upcoming fatwa-fatwa coming to your nearest theatres in town are as follow:

December 2008
Muslims are forbidden to swim in public swimming pools. At these public pools, non-Muslims wearing brief swimwears that exposes the aurat will be present. This can deteriorate the faith of the Muslims. The best way would be to prohibit Muslims from these public pools.

January 2009
Muslims are forbidden to go to Penang Island. The Chief Minister of Penang Island is a non-Muslim and the majority of Penang Island residents are non-Muslims. When a Muslim is in Penang Island, he/she may inadvertently inhale the smell of char kuey teow that is cooked by a non-Muslim and this may destroy our faith. The best way would be for us to ban Muslims from visiting Penang Island. Muslims who are currently living there will be given relocation allowance up to MYR3,000 to assist them in moving to neighbouring states. Relocation to Kelantan and Terengganu is most encouraged.

February 2009
Muslims are forbidden from drinking root beer. Although root beers do not contain alcohol, its namesake "beer" may arouse lust and indecent behaviour among Muslims. With the ban of root beers, Muslims can drink all other soft drinks without worry. Ginger beer will also be banned.

March 2009
Muslims are forbidden to dine at mamak stalls. Although most mamak folks are Muslims, their true origin are Indians and there may be elements of Indian culture in their businesses like speaking in Tamil and wearing Indian-made clothes. To avoid any suspicion, Muslims are banned from eating at mamak stalls effective 1st March 2009 (except Tun Mahathir for he is first class mamak).

April 2009
Muslims are banned from playing ping pong or table tennis. Ping pong originates from China and because of that, may contain elements of Buddhism or Confucianism in their ping pong game. Muslims who play too much of ping pong will have their faith eroded. As an alternative solution, Muslims are encouraged to play sepak raga (however, the raga ball must be Malaysian-made, not from Thailand).

May 2009
Muslims who work with the government are banned from taking their respective salary. This is because a large portion of the government's revenue are income taxes paid by various non-Muslim companies. Muslims are encouraged to beg for alms from their fellow Muslims. To ease this process, alms hopefuls are encouraged to squat in front of the UMNO building.

June 2009
Muslims are prohibited from leaving the country. There are too many temptations that can erode the moral and faith of Muslims. This matter has been thoroughly researched as a result from the educational visit to Bangkok by the National Fatwa Council recently. Therefore, Muslims are requested to return their respective passport to the immigration department as soon as possible. Trips overseas are only possible for ministers and influential UMNO figures, provided they are escorted by members of the National Fatwa Council.

July 2009
Muslims are not allowed to think during the daytime. Most crimes and vices exist because the unemployed likes to think nonsense. To curb these crimes and vices, as of 1st July 2009, Muslims are not allowed to delve in thoughts during daytime. Their thinking freedom will be proscribed by the National Fatwa Council to a group of specially trained monkeys.

Please do not laugh. Many of the above will become a reality if we do nothing. The rational thinking Muslims in this country are simply not doing anything, or not doing enough. We let a very small minority of narrow-minded idiots control our lives. We are obssesed with the little, little things and are fast becoming a laughing stock worldwide.

When there are so many important things remain to be done, why must the Fatwa folks spend their time on little things...tomboys, yoga, etc. Why don't we ever hear anything from the Fatwa folks for social justice, eradicating corruption and poverty, protecting single mothers, helping the poor, educating the ummah, protecting the environment or ensuring fairness in society?

If you are a rational, forward-thinking Muslim, please speak up. If you choose to remain silent, it only means that you agree with whatever is happening. And do not blame the non-Muslims.

Echoes of Our Soul

2008-11-27T17:18:00.005+08:00

People often claim themselves to be of many things. Honest, respectful, faithful, honourable, and responsible are among the many common claimed colours of a man, or a woman.
Have you ever wondered what your true colours are? It's not easy. Through the spoken words of others who looks through their own painted bifocals, the colours viewed maybe distorted.
The credence borrowed may not be completely truthful...or completely pretentious.
But there maybe a proxy to realizing this elucidation.

So, to start.

No names, I'll just state the people involved here as L, S, M, B and F.

L (female) is the girlfriend of M (male). Both were separated in an inevitable event and both were never given a chance to know of where each other were.
L misses M and to her heart's content, wishes to see M, but she doesn't know where to begin the search.
B heard of it and told L that he knows where M is and volunteers to bring her to M for a price.
However, the price is far too much for L to afford.
L then met S who soon offered to pay for the fees that B is charging in exchange for L's virginity.
L accepted the offer from S just for the sake of finding M.
F who is a friend of M heard of what happened and informed M of the truth.
Upon their meeting, the furious M broke his relationship with L.

Conclusion: L was most hurt, to lose her virginity and her boyfriend.

The question is:
Who is to blame the most and who is the least to be blamed?
If you still haven't given it a thought, please re-read before deciding and sharing your thoughts.

What is your answer?

The person whom you blamed most would reveal what you consider least important.
The person whom you blamed the least would be what you consider most important.

L - Love
S - Sex
M - Morality
B - Business
F - Friendship

You have been explicated.

Selamatkan Negaraku

2008-11-17T17:01:00.016+08:00

A repost of one of my previous entries on how absurd our government can be at times...

Once again I was appalled and disappointed by the virulent actions of our beloved country's administrators and administration. I stumbled upon an entry written by my friend today and I took a look at the article he was talking about. I could only shook my head in vain and snarl at the inanity of our Chief Justice. I was simply stupefied and disgusted by his statements. He even had the audacity and "common sense" to say the words he said. Are all important and high-ranking positions in our Administration occupied by individuals with brains the size of peas whom they sit on their sagging bottoms and nuts the size of bowling balls? Alas, time and again I have to concur that most of the positions are occupied by these rapacious and moronic homo-sapiens.

The lawyer added that the Datuk Bandar had failed to take into consideration the fact that Malaysia was a multicultural country and that the act of hugging and kissing was an expression of love which should be encouraged.

Hearing this, Ahmad Fairuz asked: "So, they should be given freedom to live as they like? The constitution allows all citizens to do that (hugging and kissing) even by the roadside, in a public park?"

You know what I have to say to you, Most Esteemed Chief Justice Tun Ahmad Fairuz Sheikh Abdul Halim? I think you are a sad person with a sad childhood. If what you say is true, I guess like what my friend said, we should start arresting all those people, loved ones, husbands and wives and families who kisses and hugs each other in the airport terminal, train stations or ports. In fact, why don't we start arresting all the politicians and great leaders of our country who hugs one another after a great meeting or conference? In fact, I will champion the cause of my friend to ban all television shows, movies, ads and live plays that constitutes a man and a woman hhugging or kissing each other? That way, there will be no influences on the young minds of our nation's children and thus, no cause for you to issue idiotic and bullish statements like the ones you just made.

This is just totally absurd. I have seen countless times that our Administration has a penchant for making small things big and big issues small. While the country is plagued with rapes, kidnappings, murder, incest, money-laundering, bribery, social irresponsibility and the likes, issues like kissing and hugging in public and gambling with friends and relatives during a festive season are hyped up and brought to light in the public's eye. How often do we hear that each reported cases of rapes, kidnappings, murder, bribery or social irresponsibility are solved with the perpetrator in costody? Rare indeed. With all the resources and manpower at their disposal, this is the best they come up with. No wonder more and more capable individuals are migrating out of our decrepifying country. Who's to blame them? While the real perps are out there roaming around to prey on new victims, the innocent are being persecuted.

These are just small crimes! If it can even be called a crime to kiss and hug in public. Grow up please, Administration. Stop being so childish. Aim for the big guns and do your job right. Then maybe for once, we can start respecting one another genuinely.

Personally, I think both the Datuk Bandar and the Chief Justice had a terrible teen life. I think they're just jealous of the couple whom they're prosecuting. C'mon people, how ridiculous you think it'll look on the Australian Times, New York Daily or The Star? YOUNG ADULTS BROUGHT TO COURT FOR KISSING AND HUGGING IN PUBLIC.

fff

A Narrative Nonsense

2008-11-14T10:31:00.004+08:00

A test run of my writing skill...

William and Sanders stood in the darkened foyer of the church. William fumbled with his keys as he locked the front entrance. He looked up verily and said, "You know what, I bet I'm the only children's pastor in the world with a concealed weapons permit, hah!". William pantomimed drawing a pistol from his pocket and fired off two imaginary shots at some unseen perpetrator.

"Uh, hello, you moron!" said Sanders. "You're probably the ONLY pastor in the worldwith a gun permit."

William holstered his pantomime pistol. "Yeah, you're probably right, but it never hurts to be prepared."

Sanders snorted. "Prepared? Prepared for what? Why in the world does a children's pastor needs a gun in the first place? Are you crazy?"

"You know," William reasoned. "In case there's a zombie outbreak or something."

"Oh, my Lord!" Sanders threw up his hands. "You and zombies. There's never been a stupid zombie outbreak to begin with."

William stared at his friend. "That's right. I stopped the first one before it could escalate."

"I don't even want to know."

"And neither does the government," said William. "You should be thankful to have a friend like me."

Let It Snow

2008-11-13T11:23:00.019+08:00

A repost from a time which will always remain close to my heart...

Truth happens when the best of us are caught off-guard by an innocent question. In a day filled with happenings and interesting incidents, I have made tremendous progress in my observation department.

It is no wonder that even the best or the nicest of us can succumb to the simplest of task. Some people may take a task as a task is; while others go to extreme extent just to prove a single point. When all reason is lost and what lies beneath the mask of enthusiasm and commitment are anything but a just cause, the reason that being in the beginning was misplaced. I have had my shares of responsibilities and commitments and creativity and excitement in my old glory days of high school. To think that the stuffs that made all these non-academic activities in university level was those you'd call "stuffs of legend", from a certain point of view, was anything but a deception carefully and consisely conceived by ourselves and those people whom we observe from afar.

In any case, favouritism was in abundance today which spawned several hooligans who in turn tried to make fools and morons out of us. Politics are not for the faint-hearted, but neither is professionalism. The difference between then and now, as I see it, is that when you served then, you were serving the school and the subtle indoctrination that every clubs, societies or student bodies give to its members. Serving now means a totally new level for everyone. It has so many meanings and yet in the end it means nothing. But one example I can readily see is that serving today means serving yourself to achieve whatever means necessary to further one's ends. The best part of this is, this is how the REAL WORLD works.

Gone are the days of chivalry, honour, and self-righteous. The numerous metropolitan-styled universities or institutes of higher learning that plague our world have become the breeding ground of selfishness, self-centeredness and twisted values. You may disagree with me in this on many grounds but I am sure you and I would both agree on the fact that innocence is a thing of the past. One may practice it while the other may just be aware of it but both are now players in the never-ending limbo of the manipulator and the person being used.

Anyhow, I was really entertained to the core of my bone today but shall not disclose any further which event or who set me off.

On a lighter note, the night was filled with another long chain of more interesting events. Think of Central Perk; multiply the number of people by 2; divide the enthusiastic minds by 2; minus off the no-shame attitude and plus the over-zealous heads and finally square it by sets of bombastic and exaggerative sentences, you get a center for perky people. Sometimes, you just got to know when you're telling the truth and when you're just making up a story so that you seem "cooler" or seem to know all. Say it the first time, it's a really good joke and worth scores of laughter by everyone. Say it the second time and it's still a reasonably decent joke but eyebrows are raised. Say it three times and more, you start to sound like a dork that is in dire need of constant attention. Ah, but anyhow life is too short. Live and let live.

The next thing I knew it, 2 minutes later I was in fact laughing in my heart about all this. Soon after that, the atmosphere just became literally and figuratively STALE. Imagine a convention filled with ardent Star Wars fans and a legion of Green-peace supporters. Boths sides fooled into attending the meeting and are forced to mingle. I'd kill to see that day happens. However, I still can't help myself from being totally and satisfactorily entertained the whole night. From every single axes that I could pan to, I see linear humility intersecting curves of over-confidence. I was stupefied! I have to give it to them all because it was such a gathering of different minds and backgrounds and upbringing and approach or view to life.

Frankly, I have nothing but admiration and respect and adoration for all of the things that have taken place today and to the people that made it possible. This was the kind of exposure I was expecting when I decided to transfer here.

Happy Independence Day, Malaysia

2008-11-13T10:29:00.006+08:00

A repost from a time when I still believed...

31st August of 1957. A truly meaningful day. Although I was absent during the official declaration of Malaysia's independence by Allayarhum Tunku Abdul Rahman (please correct me if I addressed his most imminence wrongly), I still feel blessed and fortunate. Every single bliss and joy we taste today is owed to that very fateful day. In this entry, I am going to state why am I so lucky to be a proud citizen of my country.

I am grateful to be a Malaysian because:

Every race lives in harmony. This is the only multi-racial country that has no racial segregation/civil unrest (except the tragic May 13th incident).
Centre to the best food on Earth. Char kuey teow, roti canai, laksa penang, nasi kandar, lontong, bah kut teh, nasi dagang, cendol, ais kacang, vade, tosay, teh tarik. Where else can you get all this, eh?
The political issues and differences are not that serious. Even the government today is quite fair, no obvious political instability. Our country is considered pretty good compared to those that uses force and tyranny in extraditing away other races.
The weather is great! It is not cold that you have to wear 3-4 layers of clothings or 7 layers in some places. Just a t-shirt can take you places. The only downside is the haze problem (thanks to Indonesia, no offence) which is only once a year, so it is not that bad. On the bright side, we have no major disasters like typhoon, or earthquakes.
"Oi boss! Teh tarik satu. Roti telur tak mau bawang!". Mamak. So easy to get food. Anytime of any day. 7pm? 2am? They even have 24hrs now!
Going to the theatre is so cheap. If you ain't no like the cinemas, there's always "Uncle Ho". For 10 ringgit, you get 2. Sometimes, it's even faster than the cinemas ;)
Subsidised petrol. Although it is unknown how much longer this will go on.

Despite all these, there are still some areas that can be improved:

Education. Many aspects to improve. What is the point of Moral Education? As if memorising the divine nilai-nilai murni can make a student kind, compassionate, etc.
When will we come out with a car that is world-class or internationally accepted? At least make one that has its door lasting for at least 6 months.
TM Net Strymyx. Self-explanatory.
A political reshuffle. At least make sure the ministers are able to do their jobs properly and effectively. Or else we're going to have more bridges falling down.
The congestion in the Klang Valley. Public transportation has room for a lot of improvement and innovation. A good industry to get into in the future.

Although my country is not perfect and has its own shares of flaws, this is still the tanah tumpahnya darahku. There is no place as interesting as home, as beautiful as home, as special like home...and there's simply no place like Home. Happy Independence Day!

(p/s: this entry is dedicated to the Malaysians who have forgotten their own state songs like Lagu Selangor and EVEN our national anthem, who doesn't know what it means to be...MALAYSIAN).

Prayer for the Stressed

2008-11-13T09:51:00.004+08:00

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I cannot accept,

And the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people

I had to kill today because they pissed me off.

Also help me to be careful of the toes I stepped on today,

As they may be connected to the ass that I

might have to kiss tomorrow.

Help me to always give 100% at work:

12% on Monday, and 23% on Tuesday,

40% on Wednesday and 20% on Thursday

and 5% on Friday.

Help me to remember that when I'm having a really

bad day and it seems that people are trying to piss me off,

That it takes 42 muscles to frown,

And only 4 to extend my middle finger

and tell them to BITE ME!

The Reds Rules

2008-11-12T15:40:00.004+08:00

Another repost of one of my more memorable sports review...

If anything bad were to befallen me today, I'd leave this world knowing that I've witnessed THE MOTHER OF ALL CHAMPIONS LEAGUE FINAL MATCH today.

That's the statement I'd use to justify the intensity, suspense, excitement, superb, best of the best, excellent, great, entertaining, fun, trepidation, passion, exhilaration, outstanding, terrific, marvelous, and first-rate of the match between Liverpool and AC Milan. All these words I just mentioned don't give the least credit to the game I've just watched.

After 20 years of waiting, Liverpool finally got their grasp on the European Champion's Cup once again. As the most highliy decorated English club in the competition and one of the best achievers in the competition of Europe, it is only fitting that Liverpool took home their rightful cup tonight by just being present in the Finals.

The match started off one-sidedly with Milan owning Liverpool in practically every aspect of football; from through passes to long passes to attempts on goals to techniques used to defensive quality and dexterity. Arguably one of the earliest and best goal to be scored in a Champions League final was netted by the Captain of AC Milan; Paulo Maldini. Just 30 seconds into the first half, Liverpool conceded a free-kick at the right edge of the penalty box, opening its defenses up for a surgical strike. With a minute coming up, the kick was swung in and with the Midas one-touch volley from Maldini, the ball struck the ground once and went straight into the back of the net with such force that everyone in the room roared as if they were struck down by the ball itself. Such was the intensity and quality of the first goal.

AC Milan went on to show Liverpool, the underdogs, how the BIG BOYS played in this competition. AC Milan was so good and mesmerizing to the extent of emulating Arsenal in their trademark quick, short-pass counterattacks. 10 minutes from half-time, Hernando Crespo (former Chelsea striker) received a cross from the right wing after puncturing Liverpool's defenses at its heart and tapped the ball into the goal, leaving poor Jerzy Dudek to lick his own injured pride. Just when we thought the first half was ending at a 2-0 score line, a mistake by Sammi Hyppia to intercept an oncoming ball from mid-air set Crespo loose once again to hound Liverpool's crumbling defenses. With only the goalkeeper between him and his 2nd goal, Crespo neatly and skillfully chipped in AC Milan's 3rd goal, practically securing the Champion's Cup for his team's taking. 3-0 was the half-time score.

At this point, one would think the end is over for Liverpool and they rightly deserved it. Shame on those who went to sleep during half-time for they missed the greatest match that has ever been live-telecasted for a very, very long time. Liverpool came back into the second half with kilojoules of vigour to spare. And spared them they did. Captain Steven Gerard whom I so humbly admire, gave his team a winning chance when he head in a superb, sharp ball into the top right corner of the goal, leaving helpless Dida on the groound. Now, Liverpool brought it on to AC Milan's ground matching speed for speed and passes for passes. 2 minutes later, Vladimir Smicer bulls-eyed in an excellent and perfect goal outside the penalty box. It was approximately 35 yards from my memory and it was a very low ball, straight into the left bottom corner of the goal. Again, Dida was helpless to deflect it. With nothing to lose, Xabi Alonso took the spot kick. I told James he was going to miss because I could read his expression. I have a knack for this sort of thing ;) He did miss but he also quickly compensate for his blunder by capitalizing on Dida's error of not catching the ball. As you guessed it, he rebounded the saved spot-kick and brought Liverpool to AN EYE FOR AN EYE with AC Milan.

The game went on at 3-3 until the end of regulation time. After several more misses and nerve-wrecking moments in extra-time, the Finals was to be decided on a penalty fall-out, notice the term here. Liverpool won the fall-out 3-2 with Milan blundering 3 of their penalty kicks (where Dudek saved 2 of those) despite Dida saving Liverpool's John Arne Riiser's kick. It was that bad for Milan and that obvious for Liverpool that Captain Gerard didn't even have to take this penalty as the 5th taker. It was inevitable, it was memorable, and it was self-justified. Liverpool showed CHARACTER and they deserved to win.

Althought I'm not a Liverpool fan, I have to admit I was with them even from the beginning of the match when they seemed hopeless. After all, I was a one-time Reds fan a long time ago in a galaxy, far, far away...wait, that didn't sound right :P Anyway, because of this, I couldn't help but vouched for Liverpool even when they were 3-0 down. C'mon, anyone who's been following the Championship should know that there's something about this Liverpool team. Defeating 3 great and powerful teams in a row to clinch the title of Champion of Champions in Europe is not an every-season feat; Juventus, Chelsea and AC Milan, two being the league champions in their respective country.

With this new-found sense of confidence in the Liverpool camp, I am now looking forward to their meet with Manchester United next season. I would relish on the thought of MU defeating the current Champion of Europe.

For now...

A toast to Liverpool, to a great game long to be remembered, and to football...

Movie Review: Revenge of the Sith

2008-10-30T16:28:00.008+08:00

Repost:

The following entry has a major Star Wars Episode III spoiler. Proceed no further if you have yet to see this movie.

I've never felt more constrained and held-back after watching a movie of this magnitude and epical proportion than watching Revenge of the Sith tonight. Being surrounded with somewhat 'lesser-fan(s)' or viewers who had no idea what was going on certainly did not help to elevate my quiet mood. Hopefully, this entry will help me get IT out of my system.

There is no better way to explain all the events that transpired in the classical Starwars Trilogy than the episode I watched tonight. People have always said Anakin's portrayal in Episodes I and II lacked substance and the movies itself lacked a good plot or excellent character development. I say "be patient" as the stories itself were meant to unfold in Episode III. If you'd expected to see everything explained and shown for in I and II then there's no point in making III, IV, V and VI subsequently, no? Bigger is the pity to all who failed to see the bigger picture and title that is STARWARS in plain sight itself.

This movie tonight is by far the saddest I've watched in a long time. Not because by itself, this movie is a sad and touchy one. But because an avid fan myself who knows Starwars well, I feel for the loss of the characters in the movie, I feel for the sadness they feel, I wished for something good to happen in order to ease their suffering and now I know why Episode IV was named A NEW HOPE. Indeed, George kept his promise to all who knows Starwars like I do because afterall, he made the prequel trilogy for US.

The turning point of Anakin's road down to damnation started when he sliced off Windu's right hand and presented Lord Sidious with a window of opportunity to strike him down and threw him off the building. Hence, the 2nd highest ranking Jedi Master of the Council was overthrown. It's also clear now how Sidious/Palpatine's disfigurement occured. Now, we all know how confused and misguided Anakin was when he thought killing Dooku when both of his hands were sliced off with him kneeling for mercy before Anakin was right but preventing Windu from striking down Sidious and quoting to abidfe by the Jedi Code on Windu made him a better Jedi.

Anakin did kill Padme as was told to him by Sidious fron a certain point of view. If he hadn't fall so far from grace, Padme wouldn't have given up on him or her life, for that matter, and would have gone on to live. This proves Yoda's wisdom on the quote always in motion is the future, hard to see it is.

The 3rd saddes part of the movie was when Anakin inadvertently killed Windu and submitted to Sidious for apprenticeship. At least, from a viewer's point of view, I know he did not choose to leave the Jedi path but was forced into leaving it. He left it by enforcing his beliefs in the Jedi Code, trying to prove to Master Windu of his repented ways only to enforce it in a very, very bad time.

The 2nd saddest part of the movie occured when Palpatine declared that "the Jedis are now enemies of the Republic" and executed Order 66 among the clone troopers throughout the galaxy. Order 66 was an encryption command tutored into each clones in its infancy and training stages to terminate all Jedis upon sight. In the movie, you start to see all the great Jedi Masters and Knights got stabbed in the back like some paltry animals, one by one. Ki-Adi-Mundi, Saesse Tinn, and Plo Koon were among the many purged. The sickest part was when Anakin walked into a training room full of younglings or Jedi apprentices. One of them comes up to him asking him what's to be done when the Temple was being overrun. Being Darth Vader, he slaughtered these children.

And the saddest part of the movie was when Anakin's legs and hands were cut off by Obi-Wan in a spectacular final fall-out between the two legendary swordsmen. Even when decapitated and consumed with fire from the lava, he could still summon enough energy and anger in him to scream I HATE YOU at Obi-Wan. Don't think for a second that Obi-Wan was anything but glad at what he did to Anakin. He was afterall, like a brother to him and he, like a father to Anakin. The transformation of decay of Anakin's body was well-defined and excellent to the finest details.

Ultimately, it's the ending mood of the movie which captivates me the most. I can almost swear I felt the emotions of Bail Organa, Yoda and Obi-Wan flowed through the widescreen. The helplessness state they were in. The feeling of failure and guilt, of loss and betrayal, of fear and suffering. Padme died in the way I never imagined she could have. Her last words were so unsettling and unfulfilling for a woman of her stature, calibre, dignity and respect. I know there is still good in him, but still... And Luke and Leia never saw their beloved mother ever again. Now I understand why Leia's memory of Padme was always a sad one where she seemed sad, distant...she was always crying.

Among the many good stuffs from this final installment is I get to see Kashyyyk and Alderaan, know Yoda is stronger than any of the Siths including Anakin (I think), know how the Jedis were so quickly and systematically wiped out, know how Vader got his name and how Anakin's body was shattered, know how C3-P0 and R2-D2 came into the hands of Captain Antilles aboard te Tantive IV, got to see the moment the Galactic Empire was formed, Luke came first before Leia, Padme's dying words, how Obi-Wan managed to gain immortality to be at Luke's side during later years after his own death, how a younger Grand Moff Tarkin looked like, how X-Wings came about, how TIE Fighters came about, and how the twins were seperated and the important figures behind the plan.

All in all, I dare say that this is one movie I dare not watch again because of the emotional theatrics it plays on me, over and over again, hours after the movie ended. I may not dare to pass up a chance to watch it again either.

Sayings

2008-10-30T15:15:00.004+08:00

Being happy is not living with the absence of sufferings and troubles. Rather the happiness we must seek is the joy by overcoming sufferings.

Heaven's Eyes

2008-10-30T14:29:00.003+08:00

I never thought you were a fair-weathered friend, you never let me down, you're true to the end,

For in the darkest hour, when all was lost, somehow you left the light on,

You faced the wrong and showed the world a thing or two, stood up for me, for you,

I still remember the things that you said, I keep your words alive, I could never forget,

For in the final hour you made me proud, so proud that I could know you,

You told the world it's time that they believe in you, you stood for Right and Truth,

And so we can't forget, we've got to keep remembering them all,

The ones who took the fall, they did it for us all,

And we should learn from it, stand up if you believe in it,

You've got to face the world, be strong,

And you should know, some say it wasn't worth the things we went through,

I say it ain't worth losing you, I hope you know how much you've changed all our lives,

Someday, you'll see,

If only through Heaven's Eyes...

Mirrors

2008-10-29T22:49:00.008+08:00

Another edited repost from my previous blog...I guess this is something I'd like to carry forward in my life wherever I go. I realized the following during one of the most memorable outing with 3 of my closest friends a very long time ago before we all embarked on our own separate journeys in life...

You can never truly know a person till you see him in the presence of his closest and oldest friends.

Later as I was sending them home, I felt somewhat lost for words. Some feelings of abandonment was in me. I know it's silly. I dropped Mah first, then YH and finally JC. I wished I was Mah. It's always easier to leave the car first than to watch everyone else leave before you. That way, you don't have to deal with the after-feelings. It's even worse when you're that person driving.

Just like my life; 2 years ago, I was supposed to be the 1st among my close friends to go to Australia. I didn't. Fast-forward to present, I'm going to be the last to leave Klang. I have to face the after-feelings now. I have to be the more determined one now. HC's making an impact in his life, making himself known throughout his social circle. He's good at what he does and is hoping to make his mark in New York. Gan's in UK pursuing an engineering degree too. JC's pursuing a doctorate degree in Ukraine, an endeavour I very much respect. Mah's an accomplished person, having loads of experience in the real world and under scholarship. YH's very dedicated to his work and is aiming to become an architect. If you've seen his works, you'd be impressed. I am.

For me, I have yet to carve out the path of my destiny. The next big thing for me is industrial training. The choice of company is vital as it will determine where I'll be in the next 3 years. Before that, I have to ensure I make it to Melbourne, where it will be my proving ground. Prior to that, I have to do well for my exams.

I hope the best for JC...and the rest. It's strange that now, I really, really want to go to Australia.

Thursdays with Morris

2008-10-27T22:57:00.003+08:00

The following is another repost (parts only) from my previous blog that I'd like to continue sharing. I feel the meaning is too lasting to me to simply just ignore. It's actually a piece of my thoughts on relationship - how the boy and the girl should treat each other...

The boy and girl should treat each other like precious gold. Sometimes, the boy should have the initiative to bring the girl to do something that he likes a lot, the girl should follow willingly and happily, no matter how stupid, absurd, silly or ridiculous it seems. The same goes for the other way too. It's ok if sometimes the boy has to give in to her, even if it means his pride and ego, especially in the face of his friends. After all, she is the love of your life, it ain't worth keeping your pride and ego. This applies to girls too, not just one-sided. Be sensitive too! Be able to tell what is not an effort and what IS when your loved one does something for you. If you missed out on the effort, you might disappoint him/her and make your partner feel unappreciated. This is very true, things tend to get taken for granted too easily. I guess these were what I said to TS and Char.

...just something I shared with two friends a long time ago. It's strange reading these words that I actually said in the past. It's like looking at the reflection of my former-self. It raised several profound questions like am I still the same? Was I that different compared with myself now? No one can truly answer this for me, I guess. The answer will definitely elude me always. I guess the best way...and the only way is how the closest people who mean something to me, actually see me.

If Ever...

2008-10-27T22:53:00.002+08:00

"If ever things begin to look a little cloudy...

they'll get better soon.

Just remember that it's true:

it takes rain to make rainbows,

lemons to make lemonade,

and sometimes it takes difficulties

to make us stronger and better people.

The sun will shine again soon...you'll see."

Perceptions

2008-10-27T22:33:00.004+08:00

What would you do when someone outright praises you to be the type of man that most girls would want? How do you react at the point in time when all equations, variables and unknowns converge on the nexus of uncertainty? The tipping point that leads to the collapse of a belief...chaos breeds order and order breeds chaos...the only future peace has to offer is war...the small wing flutter of a butterfly can cause a wave of typhoon halfway across the world...Chaos theories for the feeble-minded.

I accepted it. Was very flattered but don't know what to think. Is the comment genuine or another ploy, part of the endless mindgames being played in the never-ending cycle of counter-thoughts?

Counter-thoughts...

I'll never forget those sentences, those words, those realization...it made my night.

Sayings

2008-10-27T22:24:00.005+08:00

There are two ways of spreading light, to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. Know which one you are at the end of each day of your life.

Perceptions (classic) - repost from 28/8/04

2008-10-27T22:18:00.002+08:00

How well does a person actually knows himself? Do you really know how good you are, nice or kind? Or you just know you are? Today, I realized that you can't possibly know what kind of person you are until someone comes up to you and tell you just that. I mean, you can't just assume what you do sometimes is what people see as nice and goodly, rite?

That's how I felt today during a certain time of the day. It's nothing serious, it was just a realization of ignorance. I found out that when someone appreciates a certain trait of another, they don't just go up to the person and say it. They'll probably go to a third party and say something like "oh, he's so kind and all...she's just such a pure hearted person". And we'll just nod away in agreement.

In a similar matter, I had to listen to a short string of praises from someone close about her friend. It dawned on me that I did certain things in the past to deserve such compliments too but why I didn't? Well, hehehe...the answer is simple, you won't just hear a compliment about yourself as easily as you might with a bad gossip. The moral of the story: what goes around doesn't necessarily comes around.

Hourglass of Denial

2008-10-05T21:33:00.003+08:00

There are always different ways a person stands still in time, frozen by his inactivity. Yesterday night was no different and when it happened, you just feel like the world has stopped for you, giving pause so that you can catch up with it and lay a finger of realization on your mind...calm...peace...serenity...and there it is:

1) Speak more often with the eagle and the bear
2) Show more appreciation for the significance of a butterfly's wing flutter
3) Never take the starlight for granted

As time flows by the never ending sands of sins, one will learn to see through the obscurity of truth and know that it is futile to be in denial.

The time I want to waste is just not time wasted at all.

Saving the President

2008-10-04T16:28:00.005+08:00

This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally.

The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision.

Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous.

You are in Florida, Miami to be specific. There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe flooding. This is a flood of biblical proportions. You are a photojournalist working for a major newspaper, and you're caught in the middle of this epic disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot career-making photos.

There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing under the water. Nature is unleashing all of its destructive fury.

Suddenly you see a man floundering in the water. He is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken down with the debris. You move closer...somehow the man looks familiar. You suddenly realize who it is. It's George W. Bush! At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to pull him under.

You have two options--you can save the life of G.W. Bush or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting the death of one of the world's most powerful man.

So here's the question, and please give an honest answer:

Would you select high contrast colour film, or would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white?